You.

Them.

Remember if you don’t frame this up right your experience won’t be valid. You think about how to explain yourself on their terms. It’s important they get you. You can’t explain how you feel, think about how they feel about you.

Your experience is inconvenient. Your experience makes them angry. Don’t forget that your experience is seen through only their eyes.

If they include you, it will make them uncomfortable. Your hair makes them uncomfortable. Your dress makes them uncomfortable. Your shoes make them uncomfortable. Your posture makes them uncomfortable. The tone of your voice makes them uncomfortable. You make them uncomfortable.

So, you must explain yourself to them on their terms. They determine if your identity is valid, not you.

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But don’t forget, you still determine you.