“Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#2 Go out with my friends

So believe it or not I am actually quite a loner. I like the idea of putting on music, namely 90s R’n’B classics and dancing around the house on the odd occasion I am home alone. I can never spend too much time with myself, something that may be considered the trait of a loser… or narcissistic perhaps!

One of my most loathed things in life are unexpected visits, they can change my mood in seconds, please people do not surprise visit me, the reception will be cold or super fake. When it’s ‘Jacqui time’ respect the space, I’m much nicer after I’ve had it, I might even let you dance along with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like socialising and many consider me a social butterfly but sometimes the effort of getting it together to go out is just exhausting. When you really don’t want to go somewhere with your friend, but that particular friend always shows up for you the pressure is real. The pressure made me soooo miserable and resentful at some point that I broke and confessed, I had to put it out there. It went a little something like this, “Look, I love you, but I hate raving, I especially hate (that particular rave) please don’t be offended if I don’t go” The last straw was my going to a House, Deep house, Techno (I don’t know) rave, it was painful and I didn’t last more than an hour. Eventually I think my friends just got it, the invites stopped and I was relieved. I would usually look at the photos posted to Facebook over the next couple of days and have no regrets but just be happy feeling that I was missed…Or was I? (Emoji thinking face)

Anyway, my feelings about going out with my friends are not personal, sometimes I could have just had a long week at work, want to spend quality time with my little boy or want to belly flop onto my bed and sleep. There is nothing worse than feeling that over enthusiastic vibe at the beginning of the week where you are like “This weekend, we are out ladies” Then come the weekend, deep breath, sighs and near to tears cause all I want to do is watch Agents of Shield back to back to back! My viewing time is so important to me and once it’s thrown off it just disturbs the rest of the weeks schedule. It is and always will be a woman’s prerogative to change her mind!

The exception to the rule is birthdays, I will make every effort to celebrate and pretend to have fun. Ok , to be fair most times I actually do have fun. Once I land I am generally fine but it’s usually the take off that I struggle with. Impending doom is real!

This week I decided to book myself a ticket to go to a gig alone. I have never done anything like that before. I’m the person who took a long time to realise it was ok to eat in Mc Donald’s alone so this was a strange movement for me but one I will make the norm. My friend expressed that she had concerns and asked me if I was ok! She was definitely bewildered. I didn’t invite anyone to go with me, not because I don’t like anyone but I just wanted to extend my me time to the great outdoors. Plus, there’s something you should know about my friends, they don’t all like each other “like that” This is fair enough as they are all pleasant to each other but deep down I know the bitter truth. A while back one even warned me that if I left them in a room with another then they would kill themself. No mutual friend ever wants to hear that.

That being said I have become very strategic with my invites but this time I just couldn’t be bothered to plan and strategise and so I implemented “Mission solo”. When I usually generate invites they are in groups and then I do the pity and obligatory invites, the next thing I know, we are rolling like an entourage. At this point I must add that my friends seem to like my siblings, so they always extend the invite. I am always venturing with my friends and my family, do you know how hard it is to give the 5 second stare when you’re standing next to your big brothers?

So back to my lone quest, I’m actually really looking forward it. I want to know how it feels to be incognito. No waiting for anyone, no deciding whose going to drive, no arguing over what route we are going to take or if and where we should eat before hand. Nope, I’m just making all of my own decisions as I ride on London transport with my book.

Im always going to always love my friends but just not everything that they love. I do go to bingo with some which is totally inconceivable to others but that is my jam. I’m trying to be a 6 book stamping champion one day. I don’t know how the OAPS do it, they are my heroes. Missing one number literally ruins my whole game, bingo is not for the faint hearted.

A part of me feels like I can afford to swerve my friends most times as I am in contact with them everyday, they are with me first thing in the morning, on my travels around London, at work (no not at work cause we are not allowed our phones during working hours-emoji eyes) at dinner time and before I go to bed. I can honestly say there isn’t a day where I don’t connect with my friends so I’m never truly alone.

WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY:

How do you feel about going to events alone?

“I’ve always found strength in numbers (that I trust) I couldn’t see myself attending an event without company unless the event was being thrown by the company I would have chosen to be with. venturing out of my comfort zone is not a journey I have began to explore yet.”

“I’ve gone cinema alone, I’ve had a cheeky Nandos, all experiences both fine. Actual events I’ve not tried solo as yet, lol!”

“I don’t go to events but I am happy to do things alone. I like taking a walk enjoying nature but I always take a book with me.”