Ways To Influence Others That People Often Screw Up
Do you want to better influence others?
If so, the question is HOW?
Perhaps influence is one factor that you would like to know about. For some, it is quite essential. If you are a parent, you would want to influence your child/ children to become a good person. As an employer, you would want to influence your employees in order to become productive and efficient. As a coach, of course, influencing others is as essential in order to make themselves effective and realize their maximum potential.
Start influencing others by influencing you! Here’s ways to influence that you don’t often hear about:
1. Have integrity with your own word
Learn how to commit and follow through. In order to influence others, you would have to start within yourself. You should know how to influence you.
For example, are you the type of person that when you say you are going to do something, it is done?
This is where your personal integrity comes in — which is basically the only place where you should start. Have integrity with your thoughts and words, if you don’t the best way to go about it is to start fresh and have a clean slate and do it today, not tomorrow and not the next day. When you speak something to the world, make sure that it is something that you will deliver regardless of what the outcome. This way, people will start to like you and if not, respect you because you are a person with integrity.
2. Build up an emotional rocket fuel
There is what we call neuro associative conditioning where you build up massive amount of pain and pleasure. You build up massive amount of pleasure to find out the benefit of doing this, pleasure in knowing that you are able to help someone, what you are going to achieve, etc.. At the same time, build massive amount of pain of NOT doing it and it is going to hurt and feel like someone has stab you in the stomach.
Now people would ask, how much of each do you need?
To get yourself into action to move, you need BOTH.
Essentially, you need to have a strong reason why you want to influence others, but having a reason is not good enough because you need to take action. This is like building a muscle, you can’t just go to the gym one day and start lifting weights and expect results instantly. You would need to build it every day and turn it into a habit — which leads us to the last part.
3. Create habits that inspire & influence
A habit has 3 parts: Cue, Routine and Reward. All 3 create a cycle.
Cue is something that triggers or sets it off and when you think that you need to do it, which is then associated with routine (the “habit”), and eventually finding yourself rewarded with the action that you made for what habit.
Example: You get stressed (cue), then you go grab a smoke (routine), then you feel slightly relieved (reward).
If you’re trying to influence someone to quit smoking, it would be smart to create a better habit, more rewarding, habit or routine for stress which also makes them feel relieved or less stressed, such as walking, breathing, meditation, or laughing.
Turn your commitment to influence into a habit by creating better habits yourself. Then, show others how.
Initially, you would have to do it consciously until after some time it just comes naturally.
One way of following through is to find (or become someone’s) an accountability partner to uphold standards that you would have to level with.
4. Understand to be understood
Now that you have picked up a habit that would influence you to become a better version of yourself, then you can be able to influence another human being. But you must know that there is a big rule to follow:
You have to be able to understand/empathize and appreciate their world.
Very few people are not conscious of what is going on with another person’s world when they talk to them. In order to become effective in influencing others, you would have to step into their world to fully understand their situation. Find that connection with empathy because that way your level of influence in their lives will be truly amazing once they feel that you care.
- Gain a part of perspective provides you with the ability to be a part of their world. You wouldn’t be able to connect unless you know what is happening with them and put yourself in their shoes. Until you have this you won’t be able to influence them.
- Once you are in their world, once you get to know them you would be able to know which buttons you should push to make them take action.