Revision Exhibit

How I Revised My First Two Essays

Jake Thomson


The first step in the process of revising my previous two essays was transferring my first essay, So Long Fried Rice, Hello Fried Chicken: Dave Chappelle, The Wu Tang Clan, and Cultural identity in Today’s Society, into Medium, the website that I have chosen to display my portfolio on. After transferring over the text, I made the decision to keep the same images, but Medium allows for a lot more options pertaining to how the images are displayed, so I still had room to work with. There are options to change the image’s location, size, and captions, leaving me with a plentiful amount of room for creativity. I did end up adding a few extra images that I did not have before, including a banner of Dave Chappelle performing to go behind my title. I also added the cover of the Wu Tang Clan’s debut album, Enter the 36 Chambers, into my essay, because it is iconic, and mostly because it is one of my favorite albums ever. I also replaced a screenshot of a Wu Tang Clan music video with the actual music video, embedded from YouTube, to include another form of multimedia and variety into my essay.

Next, I went through the actual text to look for spots that could use improvement. Most of the changes I made were including additional information to further validate my thesis. For example, in my third paragraph, I originally stated something as the reason for Dave Chappelle’s success. In my revisions, I quantified his success by saying it was the reason for his $50 million contract, rather than just plainly stating that he was successful. Also, towards the end of the essay, I added a small joke about Tiger Woods in reference to his highly publicized sex scandal, stating, “Tiger Woods cannot be defined as black or Asian, but by his own culture and customs and the way that he lives his life, whether in the limelight or in the shadows.” This was meant to entertain the reader, as jokes about Tiger Woods personal life never seem to get old.

Lastly, I ended my essay with a small but memorable quote from the Racial Draft skit that I was writing about. In the skit, the RZA ends his draft day speech with the phrase “Konichiwa bitches”. Apart from being undeniably amusing, this is actually a relevant and logical end to my paper that fits well with the theme, combining a Japanese phrase with a slang curse word. It’s almost a small representation of the blurring cultural boundaries that are discussed in my paper.

My second paper on Chris Rock’s comedy special Kill the Messenger had already been done in medium, so there was not much formatting to be corrected, all though I did play around with some of the aesthetics, but this one had been done fairly recently, so I did not have much to change. Most of the changes that I made to the essay were grammatical, as I had a few errors still left in my transcription of the comedy routine. Also, I reformatted the transcription a little bit to make it more readable and organized, because the transcriptions are meant to be easy for the reader to understand, and these essays are for the entertainment of the reader.


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