12 (approximately) Elements in a box of Chocolates

Considering now many are familiar with the song “12 Days of Christmas”, I decided to make my own form of the song, formatted as a story. This article will contain 12 (or so) “chocolates” in which 2 individuals are consuming, so without further ado, I shall begin.

Human 1: Swallows some Hydrogen, however nothing happens as there is no spark present to ignite it — unless they are a smoker, in which case they just lost their eyebrows in the worst case senario.

Human 2: Consumes the Helium, yet nothing happens as it is inert.

Human 1: Eats 5 grams of Lithium and chances are isn’t too happy about it yet is still alive.

Human 2: Ingests some Beryllium. If in it’s solid form, and not powdered, then they won’t develop chronic berylliosis some months down the road.

Human 1: Gobbles five grams of Boron. Again, nothing major happens. In fact, nothing really minor happens either…

Human 2: Downs 5 grams of Carbon, in which is effectively swallowing burnt toast.

Human 1: Crams down some Nitrogen, and nothing happens at all considering the air consists of ~ 70% Nitrogen.

Human 2 : Nibble’s on some Oxygen. They feel great!

Human 1: Devour’s the Flourine. Oh dear. Highly reactive toxic gas ahead! The quantity of the gas itself may not kill them, however they will chances are no longer have a tongue (ironically they won’t be able to taste the lithium flouride salt that is produced as a by-product in that exothermic reaction). Hope that there is no hydrogen gas present in any nasal cavaties, because that would cause an explosion.

Human 2: So it continues. Lucky human 2 swallows the neon. Nothing happens because it is a noble gas.

Human 1: Picks up the sodium and it burns a hole in what’s left of their throat from when the first reaction that went off. What’s left probably reacts with the boron to create the compound borax.

Human 2: Swallows the magnesium. It doesn’t taste very nice but no big deal there.

Human 1: Swallows the aluminium. It doesn’t taste very nice either but no big deal there because they are in too much pain from the last two rounds of taste-testing.

Human 2: Swallows the Silicon, nothing happens.

Human 1: Swallows Phosphorus. Once again they’re thinking that life is unfair. If it is white Phosphorus, it immediately bursts into flames! No wonder it’s an ingredient in napalm. If they can manage to eat that while it’s on fire, they’ll get liver damage a lot later on.

Human 2: Eats the Sulfur. Apart from choking a bit, no harm done I would think.

Human 1: Gulps down the chlorine. After the fluorine, it must seem like a walk in the park… even so, it makes them cough because it is an irritant.

Human 2: Swallows the argon. Nothing at all happens because it is inert.

Human 1: Swallows the potassium. Definitely a lot ‘badder’ than the sodium, it too reacts with practically everything around it. But especially the chlorine gas they just inhaled… So now they might not have much left of their face. Once again, a nice tasty salt is produced as a byproduct — but quite apart from maybe not having a tongue or even a throat, they might not have a fully-functioning brain anymore to process those sensations.

Isn’t it not fun reading about one hypothetical figure consuming a box of “chocolates”? The amusing sense of the article is due to the violence to a degree, hence why there will be some fools out there only laughing because one has died — and the chemists chuckling as the article is slightly amusing and informative.

Merry Christmas.

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