I Cannot Do This Anymore (another 13 Reasons Why Fic)
I Can’t Do This Anymore
Title: I Can’t Do This Anymore
Fandom: 13 Reasons Why
Summary: Clay Jensen found out why he is on the tapes. And decides he cannot do this anymore.
He knows he has a few more tapes to go.
But he cannot do this anymore.
Not now, not ever.
Not since knowing that she did love him back, that he actually didn’t deserve to be on the tapes at all, because he actually never did anything bad to her.
He was the good one.
But he fucked it all up.
They were having sex, or starting to, when Hannah had had her breakdown.
He should have just stayed.
Her exact words.
Tony’s there in the car with him when he hears this, of course not hearing it directly since Clay has his headphones on, but still, he is close.
“STOP THE CAR, TONY!!” Clay then yells.
Which he does and it comes to a complete stop… at the top of the hill overlooking the town.
Tony looks at Clay, his friend, and sees the emotion on his face.
He wants to wipe them away, a hand is actually nearing to do just that, but Clay swats it away like it is a fly.
“Clay, you’re hurting, man. Let me help you.”
“You cannot help me! No one can!”
Clay gets out of the car and goes to the edge of the hill.
Stands there, looking at the town and then down.
“Don’t be stupid, man. Get away from there. Clay!”
He turns around and dares to take a step back, albeit a small one, okay, microsmall, nanosmall one.
“She loved me.” Clay says.
“I know that, man.” Tony nods.
“SHE LOVED ME AND NOW SHE’S GONE!!!” Clay yells and softly laughs.
“I loved her too.” he adds and gets angry again.
“I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH HER. SHE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!!” He now screams out loud to Tony.
The other foot now made a slight movement away from the edge.
“I have to do this! To be with her. I’m sorry. Tell them all I’m sorry. Tell them… that Clay Jensen just couldn’t do this anymore.”
Just when he’s about to fall Tony runs up to him, but Clay shoves him back to the car, takes a big step back and makes the descent.
The long descent into the afterlife.
To Hannah Baker on the other side.
Where they can be together.
Or start over and do things differently.