My Best Friend is Having a Baby and I am Not the Least Bit Happy for Her.

Jane Margolis
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read

THE CONVERSATION

SARA: “He’s just so boring”

ME: “Well, that’s because your dating profile is so rigid. Christian, clean cut, no smoking, no drinking. Must use proper language.”

SARA: “And the sex is really bad.”

ME: “Ugh. Maybe you should start dating some others.”

SARA: “No. This is a done deal.”

ME: “What do you mean?”

SARA: “I’m going to marry this guy.”

ME: “What? you only met him 2 months ago.”

SARA: “He treats me really good.”

ME: “Doesn’t he want children?”

SARA: (Grimacing) “Yeah, but it’s not a deal breaker.”

In the seventeen years that she and I have been friends, Sara frequently expressed her dislike of children. Her resolution to never procreate was firm and was evidenced by the fact that she earnestly avoided any sort of recreation or vocation that entailed contact with children.

However, at age 36 Sara was, for some reason, desperate to get married. Although lousy in bed, her current Match catch seemed like decent matrimony material and she wasn’t willing to risk losing this relationship over a simple incongruence of life aspirations.

I sigh. This can’t be good.

THE WEDDING

Seven months later, as the couple stands in post nuptial bliss under the wedding gazebo, a voice reverberates through the gathering of guests. “I want a nephew in 6 months!” shouts Sara’s now brother-in-law, who seems to be at least one half orangutan. Providing him with a blank stare I inquire, “you do know that the human gestation period is 9 months, correct?” He looks back at me, puzzled.

“There she is.” croons Sara’s now father-in-law stepping up to the bride. “The mother of my grandchildren.” I feel queasy. What century is this?

For the rest of the night, small talk with the groom’s family focuses on child rearing.

I leave early.

THE CALL

Six months after the wedding, Sara calls me with a question: “How do I get pregnant?” No, she did not need a lecture in the art of coitus, but she is unsure of timing. I elucidate the details of the 28 day menstrual cycle and comment that after the 14th day is the best time to conceive. I feel bad lying to her, but I justify it as a way to save her life.

After our lesson, I say to her “I am not going to lecture you, but besides death, having a baby is the only other thing in life you can’t undo (abortion for Sara would be out of the question). I continue, “If you have a child, it will permanently change your life forever.”

Her response is “I appreciate that, but this is something I think I have to do.” She explains that she feels like a “failure as a housewife.” She can’t cook and her house is always a mess. She wants to prove that she can “step up to a challenge.” For Sara it seems that having a baby is a way to test her worthiness.

I pray, to a god I do not believe in, that she changes her mind and that pregnancy doesn’t happen. And it doesn’t. For a while.

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

After 18 months of failed pregnancy attempts, Sara and her husband seek medical intervention. It seems that hubby is slightly infertile and they are going to use some surgery and an in vitro method to make the magic happen.

Now that she actually has to think about what she is doing, Sara is stressed. The in vitro process is very overwhelming. She was hoping that pregnancy would just happen naturally.

I do my best to be supportive as I remind her she has options. No, she responds. She has come this far and has to go through with it.

SUCCESS

A year and $20,000 later Sara is pregnant. I discover this fact through a Facebook chat that Sara and I are having about her work place.

“So, we fired her. Btw, I’m prego”

“Congrats!” I reply using as many celebratory emojis I can to feign excitement.

“Morning sickness sucks!!!!” is her response.

‘That’s not the only thing’ I think, but keep to myself.

I log out of Facebook.

I am not happy.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade