Believe in yourself:

the same way you believe in others

The other day someone asked me what I am looking for in a partner. I’ve thought about this before and so, being honest with myself, I replied

“I really need someone that’s going to help me achieve my dreams”.

That was the first time I had been transparent about this internal battle, so it left me uncomfortably vulnerable.

Strangely, that call ended abruptly..

Did I say something wrong?

I thought

“Am I asking too much of a partner? I just need to be self-sufficient.”

I secretly panicked but settled myself by affirming I need to be honest with myself and others.

I mean it IS true; I struggle with following through.

Thoughts of this person assuming I was selfish flooded my mind.

“What about my partner’s dreams? Do they not matter to me?!”

I then thought back to previous relationships where I valued my partner’s dreams and goals more than mine.

Obviously, it’s not selfishness that allows me to focus in on others wholeheartedly.

The actual problem is not that I don’t want to help others achieve their dreams, but rather that when I’m helping others achieve their dreams, mine are often forgotten in the process.

Remember all those times you neglected your needs and wants to be there for theirs?

Relating too strongly to Jennifer Hudson when she sang

“I don’t like living under your spotlight”

Because that’s ultimately what happens. You get so focused on helping others accomplish their goals, you forget your own.

Certainly, I could’ve stopped there. Accentuating on my strength of being a ‘great’ friend or partner for helping others..

But rather, I found myself reflecting deeper into my thoughts..

Perhaps it’s easy to be distracted from my personal dreams, because I don’t truly believe they’ll come true.

Wow. So essentially I don’t believe in myself…

I felt my logical side and emotional/in denial side fighting to come to acceptance.

So how, or why, is it so easy to believe in others?

If I had a partner like myself, I’d be unstoppable.

I’m their cheerleader, but for myself I’m worse than a disappointed crowd at The Apollo.

Only, at least they gave chances…

Finally, it all clicked:

That self doubt stems from my intense focus on my shortcomings rather than my accomplishments. When I excel it’s an expectation. When I fall short, I’m a disappointment.

On the contrary, It’s easier to focus on other’s dreams because I believe in them. I believe in them because I see the best in them. I see the best in them because I compare them to how I perceive myself.

Leading to the end result: I’m a terrible partner to the person I impact the most.