Dear Ex 9/1/16
We’ve been chatting a lot the last couple of weeks – since our breakup. Indeed**, we’ve spoken everyday since we got together eighteen months ago.
Right now I’m split inside pretty much 50/50. On the one hand, I miss you and us terribly. I still love talking to you and being your friend, much as it hurts that we’re not together any more.
On the other hand, I really want to get used to this new state of being in the (painfully real) scenario that nothing will ever happen between us again; that we’ll never return to how we were before.
Everyday I vow to myself that I won’t contact you. Everyday I fail. On workdays I fail before 12am.
I’ve been chatting more to friends and trying to spread my social… tentacles. Whatever. It’s really hard though; we’ve shared so much that it’s hard to share the same things with them that I would share with you. Some of those things are private jokes as old as our relationship that are just impossible to share with others***. I’m not ready to give that up.
Anyway, there’s no real conclusion to this letter. I miss you. Being without you sucks. I’m not in a place where I’ve come to terms with either of those yet, but I promise I’m trying.
*Not because I think of you that way, because because you won’t appreciate me bandying your name around the Internet.
**You know because of you I’ve started using that word all the time? I still think it’s cute.
***Like “indeed,” for example, which is currently baffling the dozen people who will ever read this.