Is everyone hanging out without me?

Maybe I’m not THAT great to be around. I mean, I laugh at all my jokes, so surely I make others laugh too. I know things, I too can discuss current events and the happenings in our society. So why is everyone hanging out without me?

Here you are on a Friday night, staring at your phone in an effort to magically will an invitation to debauchery into reality. And yet, nothing. You then find yourself scrolling through social media and see a harem of friends hanging out sans you. Of course, confusion sets in and all those aforementioned thoughts of your greatness start to replay in your head.

Now you’re feeling left out and can relate to that rotund boy who got picked last for recess activities. You begin to start creating elaborate excuses for the lack of invitation because crafting these is better than becoming the “no invite” person. No one wants to be them, because there’s no plausible way you can utter this statement and not look whack. So here you are creating these elaborate scenarios:

“Maybe I missed the invite because I didn’t have service, I knew I shouldn’t have switched to T-Mobile.”

“Well they know I’m on my grind. Maybe they’re being considerate of my hustle.”

“You know, maybe they’re planning a surprise party for my birthday in January.” Sis, it’s March.

You can literally come up with a host of excuses, but the fact of the matter is everyone is indeed hanging out without you.

Now don’t have an unbreak my heart shower cry over this. This could all be one big misunderstanding or it could be some devious scheme to turn you into a hermit. Either way, you’ll never know unless you tackle the issue head on. The answer you receive will teach you how to govern yourself moving forward with these people in your life.

If push comes to shove, and everyone is indeed excluding you from activities, I can direct you to a nice pet adoption site and share these pizza coupons with you. Pizza and Lassie will never leave you or hurt you.