Ode to Friendship
Why is it so difficult for adults to make new friends?
I’m only 30. I can clearly remember the sandbox and playground of my elementary school. I can almost smell the rusty chains attached to the swing that I sat upon but, refused to jump out of when they got “super high” like the other kids. I had no problem making friends. In fact, we even called ourselves “the six pack” (which later became clique 8 and various other quasi-clever names depending on the number of girls that were invited into the inner sanctum of this particular friend-group. We had sleepovers and parties (that people may or may not have showed up for… that’s another story that I’m a little salty about but… It’s for another time)
In Girl Scouts it was always, “make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold”. And I really tried to hold that close to my heart. Hell, I’m still Facebook friends with most of those girls. That means something right? I mean, I still LOVE those girls but I’m not sure many of them actually “know” me. I’m not sure if they ethically, morally, spiritually, agree with the aspects of the person I have become. None of them have met the person I’m engaged to marry. Friends for life… right? Well, technically yes, because we are Facebook friends. I would know if something terrible happened. Social media always lets me know about weddings and funerals. That’s seems a little harsh, but it's true. However, this is nature of friendship they grow, they bloom, some die, some bloom again the next season. I pray there is another season that I get to know those “six-pack” girls again. I hope our kids can play together in the non-judging, equal, just, and fair future.
I met my best friend in high school. These memories are much easier to grasp because that was only a little over a decade ago. Also because, Myspace. There is photographic evidence of just about every outing we had (that we didn’t mind our parents knowing about… there is no evidence of skipping school to go to Katy Mills and shopping all day…{Sorry mom} there is no evidence of our other best friend ending his master cleanse (which we had no idea actually had a name at the time) early to eat cheese pizza out of the food court). There was a summer or two that we spent with phones attached to our ears. I remember wiping sweat from my earlobe whilst thinking, “ears sweat?”. That’s just how close we were. I have to say, we’ve done pretty well considering everything we have been through. We probably still communicate in some form at least every other day. However, if you told those high school kids that there would be a day that they would not speak, they would tell you that was impossible. One of them would probably have string of colorful expletives tied along to it because of how loyal of a friend she was {STILL IS. Without a doubt… Love you man.} and you just insulted her. But, I mean, people grow up, have lives, get jobs, lose jobs, get boyfriends, get girlfriends, have existential crises (I googled the plural of crisis), have crises of faith, get born again again, shit gets real… right? I’m not sure if those are valid excuses but we still love each other and I STILL don’t think that’s ever going to change.
The next friend circle I met through my significant other. It’s funny how these are the only friends I’ve really met during my adult life that have actually stuck longer than a year that I haven’t tried to date at some point. I have not figured out how to make new adult friends. It has gone as far as going to an online dating site just to try to meet new friends (It didn’t work… plus people you are currently dating do not typically want you to just be on a dating site without their prior knowledge or approval… This has been my experience) .
They question I pose to you is this… If we lose the friends of our youth… speak less and less to the friends of our adolescence… rarely make friends as an adult… How do adults have parties? Who do you invite? LOL!! No, the real question. How do you go about making and maintaining a friend group as an adult?
As an only child, I value every bond that I have created. I cherish every pseudo-sibling I have had throughout my life. I want to continue to build bonds and I would like to strengthen the ones that have lasted. I know it is a difficult goal that I have set for myself but I ask my old friends to hold me accountable. I ask my future friends to be open to accepting me into their lives. It is very important to me.
