15 psychology-related myths I used to believe
I’ve been such a fool. Granted, I probably still am a fool and will be one for a long time, but I feel a lot better knowing that I will no longer perpetuate some of the nonsense I used to believe.
I read a book. Shocking, I know. It didn’t even have any pictures in. I wasn’t sick, either.
Anyway, instead of going to bed with my usual dose of teddy bears and sleeping pills, I decided to help myself to a book called ’50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology’, as it was lying on my bookshelf gathering dust for years, waiting for its chance to shine.
And now I finally know that human beings don’t use up just 10% of their brain capacity. It’s actually a lot more than that!
Alright, I’m kidding. That’s one myth that’s already been debunked dozens of times. Only the gingers still believe in that one. The rest of us decided to use our whole brains.
Let me rewind.
And now I finally know that…
1. Teenagers aren’t actually that rebellious.
It’s a common myth that adolescence is a period of rebellion, insubordination, unwanted pregnancies and pimples in weird places. Though the last two shortcomings of growing up do exist, the rest of this psychobabble about the emotional turmoil of teenagers doesn’t have any factual evidence backing it. Other than some research that claims 20% of teenagers find life to be rough. But the rest of them are just as crazy as their parents, neighbors and teachers. Meaning that they’re just like the rest of us and will reach adulthood with no major issues.
According to statistics, the Japanese seem to have the saddest childhoods. Nearly 90% of them considers their life to be calm and pleasant. How boring.
2. No such thing as a mid-life crisis.
That was a load off my mind! I’ve been struggling with a mid-life crisis ever since I was about 15 years old. Granted, I don’t buy myself expensive cars, because I eat through most of my money (literally, I spend most of it on food), but I’ve always felt drawn to women in their 20s. Also, I keep abandoning them for new ones as fast as my laptop’s trackpad allows it. Research has shown that there’s no psychological significance to turning 40. People reevaluate their plans, goals and objectives in every phase of their lives. Which makes perfect sense to me. The very idea of a mid-life crisis was shaped by a lot of coincidental factors. For one, people usually get divorced approximately 5 years after they get married, which, statistically, places that event in your thirties and forties. People in this age bracket tend to start earning serious money, which in turn increases their consumer needs. Finally, these elder people (so, people aged 30 or older), tend to say that this is/was actually the best period of their lives. Only 20% claim they experienced a crisis of some sort.
3. Your good attitude is no match for your cancer.
Turns out there’s absolutely no evidence of the healing powers of optimism. If you get a tumor, you can go ahead and spend every waking hour of the day thinking about your inevitable death. Guess what? You have the exact same odds for survival as the guy next to you in the waiting room with the same kind of cancer who claims he’s going to ‘beat this thing’ and keeps spouting nonsense like: “I’ll never give up!”
Actually, just to be safe, I suggest you consider amputating and cutting out a few limbs and organs you’re a bit worried about. It seems to be the new craze in Hollywood.
4. Opposites do not attract.
If you ever told me the phrase that “opposites attract”, there’s a good chance I hit you right in the testicles, because I knew I was dealing with a pure imbecile. And now I’ve got scientific proof backing me. Various weird research conducted on aliens and stuff has shown that we are more likely to look for people with personality traits similar to ours. All that talk about about how opposites attract is the product of sheeple who want to spice up their relationship, just a bit. Because there’s nothing more boring than a couple that tolerates everything about each other.
5. Alcohol is bad.
Want to know what’s even worse? Hangovers. It’s kind of embarrassing to say, but I’ve never actually experienced one. Anyway, research has shown that coffee will not cure your hangover. Neither will a cold shower. Or exercising. You can’t cure a hangover. You just have to survive through it. By the way, remember that drinking different types of alcohol during a single night out will not get you more hammered. And it’s a complete myth that people get drunk a lot more easily when they’re on a plane.
You know what, I’m making this list unnecessarily long. Let me hit you with a couple of one-two punches, a bit more relatable to everyday life.
6. It’s not harmful to read in a poorly lit room.
It’s never been proven that reading in darkness damages eyesight. Which is what I’ve been told again and again throughout my childhood.
7. You’re most likely going to die from an illness.
I’ve always thought that some people are lucky enough to die from old age. Just like that. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. You always die from an illness, an act of violence or an accident of some sort.
8. Women are better drivers than men.
In the USA, 70% of traffic collisions are caused by men.
9. Don’t count sheep to fall asleep.
Research proves that counting sheep won’t help you fall asleep. Just eat a chocolate, instead.
10. If you’re angry at something, don’t try to stop thinking about it.
Making an effort to stop thinking about something will lead to recurring thoughts about the thing we’re trying to forget.
11. Men don’t think about sex that much.
At least not every 7 seconds, every 20 minutes, etc. There’s no research showing how many times men think about sex during the day. I don’t think about sex simply because there’s nothing to think of.
12. „Brainstorms” are not that beneficial.
Something for you corporate workers out there. Research has shown that the quality of ideas formed by a group is lower than the quality of ideas formed alone. Tell your boss that you’re at your most creative when you’re at home.
13. Cigarettes are more addictive than alcohol, heroin and cocaine.
Dear kids: drink, snort an shoot whatever you want. Just stay away from cigarettes!
14. Alcohol does not increase brain function.
Alcohol is a depressant. Its stimulative activities are very limited. I’ve never understood writers who drank alcohol and then wrote their books.
15. Women don’t have a G-spot.
If your girl claims otherwise, it means one of two things. She’s either deluded or simply making fun of you.
Disclaimer: the book mentioned above has been released five years ago. Some of the scientific knowledge may have changed since then, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you.
