9 reasons to visit Portugal

The Portuguese are wonderful people. Every single one of them. They know how to have fun and they know how to work, they’re able to drink and not get drunk, they can talk about wine for hours on end, they love living in Lisbon and they are very patriotic. They’re proud of their nationality and are always ready to list the reasons why you should move to Portugal. And they’ll be well-spirited about it, too, not at all pompous or arrogant. The food is cheap, the wine is delicious (as is the coffee) and the women are hot (as is the weather.) ‘What else could you ask for?’ wondered the captain of the boat that took us on a cruise along the coast. Obviously, his question was rhetorical.

Good point, though. What else is there to do around here?

1. Ice cream

Santini. The only ice cream in the world you have to wait in an hour-long cue to purchase. They’re delicious and their consistency is something between classic ice cream and a sorbet. They use eggs to make them.

These guys use eggs for everything.

2. Traditional Portuguese cuisine

The Portuguese invented the world’s best burger — the foie gras burger. They patented it, so you can’t get it anywhere else but the Fontana hotel. You can even pick the goose whose liver you want to eat! The sauce (the white one) was egg-based.

3. Weird people

One of the side effects of eating too many eggs is periodic muscle lethargy. That’s why the Portuguese tend to do these weird poses out in public.

4. Pastries

They keep munching on these things day in, day out. Especially the pastel de natas. Unlike most national dishes, these are actually egg-based.

5. Toilets

For women and the disabled only.

6. Elevators

They are worshipped over here. The Portuguese believe that elevators are the way souls travel to heaven. Only in Lisbon can an elevator become one of the biggest tourist attractions, always crowded by hordes of tourists. What’s so great about it, you ask?

Well… It’s old.

7. Beautiful architecture.

The one in the middle is the oldest building in Portugal. I believe it’s from the 14th century. Currently, it’s a museum (gallery?) dedicated to their country’s most renowned blogger — José Saramago.

When they were building it, it was supposed to be called the diamond building. Unfortunately, the architect failed to do his research and realize that Portugal doesn’t actually mine diamonds and that nobody knows what they even look like. That’s why this structure is known as ‘the building with thorns.’

8. The Golden Gate Bridge

One of the biggest misconceptions of the modern world is that the Golden Gate is located in San Francisco. False.

9. Grapes

Instead of potatoes, the Portuguese eat grapes. Grapevines cover thousands of hectares of this country.

I hope that I did my best to encourage you to visit this beautiful place.