A Letter to My Future Self When Donald Trump Is President of the United States of America

Dear Jason,

If you’re reading this, it means you and millions of other Americans have been dying on the inside since Donald J. Trump was elected President in November 2016.

Many months ago you said to yourself, Holy shit! Donald Trump? No way. Absolutely no way in hot steamy hell will that happen. But with each of his primary victories, you stopped saying it because the thought of him winning it all was so terribly dreadful. Things got worse when he became the Republican Nominee. And then, on election night when he won the whole thing, you exclaimed, Holy fucking shit. He won. That’s it. THAT’S IT?! Trump is President. Game over.

Having come to terms with this reality and having to deal with him as President of the United States of America, you must not vomit. But if you start to vomit and then make it go back down, it will hurt just as badly if not more. Be strong. Don’t vomit. Keep it together.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You and other Americans are in this together. And what you all will have to endure through President Trump’s reign — I mean tenure — will be challenging to cope with. Could it be bad? Maybe. How bad? This will not be Terminator awful. Not Skynet awful. Advances in artificial intelligence will not lead to T-800 Model 101 Terminators that all look like Scott Baio, so you can relax. Or try to relax, because you still have to deal with what lies ahead with President Trump.

Many people predicted this would happen, such as some entertainers, who jokingly wanted Trump to become President so they’d have fodder for their late night opening monologues and sketch comedy routines. You’ll have the chance to laugh watching that entertainment. Will it erase the pain of having President Trump in office? Hard to say. But maybe it will help you hold down the vomit.

When you’re not laughing and on the verge of crying or having a panic attack, hold firm to your beliefs and remain true to the place you call home. Forget about how appealing Canada has looked since spring 2016 when Cape Breton Island called to you. The United States of America is still a great place and will continue to be a great place, and you need to believe in it, your fellow citizens, and the future of your country.

Speaking of the future — or a future, or possible futures — DO NOT for even a second think about going back in time to change the course of history and prevent Trump from becoming President. As the Back to the Future trilogy taught you, it will completely and totally fuck things up and create havoc — and the last thing we need at this point is more havoc.

See the resemblance? Great Scott!!!

Consider what Doc Brown and Marty McFly brought about before you decide to embark on some zany time traveling adventure. If you do get the urge to start another wild Kickstarter campaign to further your futuristic pursuits during this uncertain time, forget about raising money for time machines or Terminators. Maybe raise money for cryosleep so you can take a long nap and wait this whole thing out.

Jason Tselentis

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