Choosing the Proper Font

Open your design software and click the font menu. Mock your computer for taking so long to list the fonts. Ward off the anxiety that overtakes you from seeing hundreds, even thousands of fonts once the menu loads.

This will require more energy than you thought. Take another sip of your expensive Starbucks beverage.

Cross Comic Sans, Curlz, Hobo, and Papyrus off your list of choices. What the hell, use all of them in your layout to have some fun, and maybe inspiration will strike. Share the designs on social media for LOLs.

Once you realize that you’re wasting your client’s time, get back to business and decide if you’ll use sans serif, serif, slab serif, script, or blackletter, or something else. Hate your font menu for having so many choices.

Should you use one font? What about pairing fonts? Harken back to design school. Did your instructor say use only two fonts at most, as in three or more is bad? Or was that “only two fonts” instruction just one of the stupid constraints the teacher put on the class assignment? Feel woozy from thinking about college. Finish off your Starbucks beverage.

Take a break to recharge from working so hard. Depending on your mood, look at either design magazines or blogs for inspiration, or for a seemingly infinite waterfall of design specimens, go to Tumblr if you can handle the image overload. After flirting with the idea of creating something like an award-winning design you saw, that looks like something in the spirit of something you remember from a design history class years ago, give up on being inspired and remember that your client is a Gemini which starts with “G.” Choose Garamond and Gill Sans.

Before selecting either Adobe Garamond, Garamond Antiqua, Garamond Premier, ITC Garamond, or Stempel Garamond, pause to try and remember which one Paula Scher hates.

After recovering from analysis paralysis, forget Garamond since it’s so controversial, and it has blobby serifs after all. Notice that you only have a TrueType version of Gill Sans, and go with Helvetica instead, since Helvetica did star in its own movie after all.

Arrive at the realization that Neue Helvetica is the best flavor of Helvetica. Pat yourself on the back for knowing that it’s Neue Helvetica, and not Helvetica Neue.

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