These 3 Things Will Change My Life
And yours too
I was sitting in the living room at my son’s house. My wife was at my left side drinking a Chai Tea, and my son and daughter-in-law were in front of us, relaxing on the couch while we were chatting about our lives.
In the background, my two grandsons, Landon and Ellie, made circles between the backyard and the living room, spying on what the adults were talking about.
“Can I use your cell phone?” or “can I’ve some water” or “may I go to my room upstairs” while staring at us and not paying attention to the answers. (Curious minds want to know)
We started talking about Christmas. Every other year we host Christmas at our house. My daughter, her husband, her five years old son, my son, his wife, and his nine-year-old son and five years old daughter stay with us for a week or two. With the two of us, it’s a nonstop frat house party (you’re right, co-ed party.)
But, with all the different personalities and energy levels, we discovered that it is a party with ripple effects. Ripples that stress all of us.
Imagine a quiet pond after you through a stone. Now imagine the stone has dynamite power waiting to explode. And if it explodes, the water ripple transforms into a tsunami wave at light speed coming towards you. (Now, you can choose your word for the aftermath, and you probably be right)
I don’t know about you, but that scares me more than free-falling at 56 thousand feet without a parachute.
My guards go up. My son’s guards go up, my daughter’s guards go up, and my wife’s too. And what once was a dancing floor becomes a mixed martial arts fighting ring — a match where no one wins.
I felt like Tom Cruise on Mission Impossible 403, looking at a futurist gadget screen.
“Your mission, if you decide to accept it -Make this holiday season memorable.” This message will disappear in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, poof! (White smoke coming out of my head)
Looking at my wife, son, and daughter-in-law (the team), I asked, how can I make this time a delight for everyone?
We became detectives of our own event experience. The conversation deeply involved our individual behaviors, group engagement, and dynamics.
Unconsciously, we were looking for how to diffuse dormant dynamites from exploding.
But,
A dormant dynamite can remain dormant unless it is ignited.
Okay… (I probably had the same puzzle face you might have now.)
So what ignites human dynamite? The stressors. The no so funny thing is that we all are the stressors of each other.
The stressors are like a chain of reactions building up every minute. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock. My daughter stresses my son, which stresses my wife, which stresses me.
And, if we go infinite rounds….. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
We learned that the stressors cause the ripple effect, and if unattended, it could explode into a tsunami.
But,
If the stressor is a detonator, someone has to pull the trigger, right? (See mission impossible)
What could trigger the stressors? In other words, what increases our stress levels?
Now, we needed to find the triggers. So, we dug for them. We dove deep into the Dead Sea, went into dark underwater caves, and zip-lined from a skyscraper to land in the living room. (Ah! Yes, daydreaming)
What happened was another round of candid conversation. And we found three key triggers.
- Kids are fighting and miss behaving.
- Group dynamics
- Event expectations
Yeah! We found them! Now what?
Time for the last mission, a plan to defuse them. (Sorry, we are in that stage, so I don’t have anything to share.)
But keep these three things in mind:
- Be aware of your stressors.
- Pay attention to what actions, behaviors, and circumstances trigger the stressors.
- Think about what you can do to defuse them.
- Try it, learn, adapt, and what works, make it a habit.
Here is the thing,
We spend most of our lives in a group dynamic, at work, at home, and where we play.
Yet, we don’t spend time becoming self-aware of what actions and behaviors stress us and others — and figuring out what triggers us to react in specific ways in particular circumstances.
Yet, if we care, we can make it worthwhile.
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