L-O-V-E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQvkcVNdgPo

His eyes were blue, like the ocean I was drowning in when he spoke his fluent words and let his hands wash over me. His hair was blonde, like the sand on the beach he carefully lay me down on when made the terrible decision to go talk there. His white teeth sparkled when he smiled like the sun as it rose when I woke up in his bed, the night after. His hands were like waves of the ocean, only then warmer, when he let his waves wash over me, everything else on the world disappeared and I could feel nothing but him, his hands, his ocean, my ocean. Or at least, what I hoped that would be mine forever, but ended in a disaster. His lips, oh don’t even get me started on them, they were like the soft pink of ballet shoes, perfectly well formed as made by an artist, and they fit on mine so well, as if we were made for each other. Sadly, we weren’t, or were we?

Done with the talking, let’s get this story over with, I will tell you what happened, as honest as I can.

We first met at a festival, I was wearing a very simple white shirt that had been ‘’pimped’’ in Coachella style by me and my best friend, Amy. Amy is a very cheery ginger and always up for doing weird stuff. She might not seem very smart at first, but we have very deep conversations, about everything. Together with that shirt, I was wearing jeans-shorts, and my hair was tied up in a bun on my head, because it would get in the way and covered in sand, sweat and paint otherwise. I am a festival girl, I go wherever I can, with whoever is crazy enough to come with me. I love the music, the people, but mostly, the air, the feeling of the bonds that music and passion can create between us. Anyway, I met him there, while I was getting a drink for myself and Amy. I had just ordered and suddenly he was standing there, right in front of me, his oceanic eyes looking down on me. I tried to smile at him, but failed terribly, I couldn’t help the chills he sent down my spine, making me feel strange and wobbly. ‘’E-ehm, excuse me, do I have something on my face?’’ I asked him, and simultaneously rubbed my nose. He chuckled, looked away slightly and shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘’No, I was just looking at you, thought I had seen you before.’’ I arched my left eyebrow, as I always do when I am questioning something or someone. ‘’Could be, I go to these kinds of things more often, but I don’t think I’ve seen you around, would have remembered.’’ That last part of the sentence was a failed attempt to flirting, because, well, he was hot, I couldn’t let such an opportunity slip, could I? ‘’Sure you would.’’ He was just being stupidly mysterious now, and it was not very attractive. Okay, it was, it was insanely attractive and an ab-so-lute turn on, but I can’t admit that to anyone else but this paper. ‘’Two coke with spirits!’’ The bartender called out, my order. ‘’Wow, spirits.’’ The God-like boy that was standing in front of me said. ‘’I couldn’t make up any kind of alcohol so I just ordered that, okay?’’ My cheeks heated up in shame, I felt like such an idiot. I took the two cups from the counter and started walking back, and it was going perfectly well, until the boy decided to walk with me, moving through the crowd that was grinding on you as you passed by on the trance music. For a second or two, I got ideas of him being forced to grind onto me, in order to get through, but I quickly shook those ideas out of my head, way too idiotic and unrealistic. ‘’Why are you following me?’’ I asked him while stepping over someone that had passed out. ‘’Because I want to know where you’re going, obviously.’’ I mentally rolled my eyes. ‘’Of course, but I don’t even know your name, or how old you are, let alone where you come from!’’ I had to shout as the bass dropped along with the people, making them dance even wilder, luckily I knew how to keep the drinks in the cups. ‘’My name is Tyche Christians, I am nine-teen years old and I live in Riviera Beach, Florida!’’ He called over, and my heart actually made a little jump, he just gave me a lot of information about himself, and I barely had to do anything! Also, he was just two years older than me, which was a huge pro, for as far as I had a chance. Last thing I needed to know was if he was in a relationship. ‘’Shouldn’t you go to your girlfriend or something? What if she sees me with you, maybe she thinks you’re cheating on you.’’ We had arrived to the quiet part, where Amy and I had our tent and were trying to catch our breath from dancing, since around ten minutes ago, I had offered to get us a drink and we’d go back again after a while. Tyche chuckled, but not like he did before at the bar, now it was louder and more open. ‘’Oh no, my girlfriend was the cheater, and I was done with that, I have been a free man since two weeks now.’’ He spread his arms and let out a deep, relieving sigh. ‘’Hey there girl! Can you pass me my drink?’’ Amy yelled at me from a few feet away, and when she thought Tyche wasn’t looking, she gave me this ‘oh-my-what-did-you-catch-there’ look, with her eyebrows up and a tilted smile. ‘’Amy, this is Tyche, Tyche, this is Amy.’’ I gestured my hands in their directions as I introduced them to each other. ‘’And I am Rose.’’ Amy slammed her hand on the ground and looked at me in sarcastic awe. ‘’Really?’’

‘’So, Tyche, where does your name come from?’’ It was hours of dancing, drinking, eating, vomiting, laughing and pounding basses later. Amy was off with some boy she found while dancing. ‘’My name is the name from the Greek Goddess of chance.’’ I giggled, I was more than just a little tipsy. ‘’Goddess, you’re secretly a girl.’’ He laughed with me, but then leaned closer to me, a drunk look in his eyes. ‘’Want to find out?’’ ‘’I would love to.’’ I didn’t stop giggling until I felt those perfect, drunk lips of him on mine. His saliva tasted like beer and Coca-Cola when he parted my mouth with his tongue and pulled me onto his lap. I could feel his boner growing as I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him more forcefully. I never had a man this gorgeous in such a short time, kissing me like this, me wanting him, he wanting me. I don’t know how long it took for us to pull apart, get into the tent and start a full make out session, until his hand started to go into my shorts, and I decided that I didn’t want my first time to be while drunk.

Two days later, it was time to go home, I hadn’t seen Tyche since he left me that certain night, but as I was walking with my bag slung over my shoulder and Amy on my arm, he stood before again, as sudden as the first time. ‘’Here, I will see you again, Rose.’’ My name sounded like a song on his lips, and he handed me a small piece of paper, when I looked at it, he had written his phone number and name on it.

Tyche Christians

1–476–398–2592

His handwriting was blurry, the ink was blurry, the paper was folded and dirty, but it still put a smile on my face. I looked up to thank Tyche, but he was gone already, as soon as he came, as soon as he went. Like the wind, no, like the ocean.

To make a long, boring story short, I called him about a week later, not to play ‘hard to get’ but simply because I had a hangover/jet lag for three days and only found my shorts six days later. He picked up the second time his phone rang and his voice was like the sounds of birds in the morning, simply beautiful.

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Hi, this is Rose, from the festival.’’

‘’Ah, I almost thought you’d forgotten about me.’’

‘’How could I forget you?’’ I giggled.

‘’Don’t know, I am irresistible.’’

‘’I know.’’

Awkward silence for thirty seconds.

‘’Tyche… Why did you give me your phone number?’’

‘’Because I wanted you to call me.’’

‘’But… why?’’

‘’Because I want to get to know you.’’ My stomach fluttered and my knees went weak.

‘’When? How?’’

‘’Next week Saturday, on the beach.’’

I was stunned, had he prepared this? Like, actually thought about it, planned and maybe even dreamed about it?

‘’O-okay, what time?’’

‘’Why the stutter, Rose?’’ I could hear him grin.

‘’Because I was stunned for a moment.’’

‘’Why that?’’

‘’Girly reasons.’’

‘’Okay…’’

‘’So… what time?’’

‘’Five pm, Riviera Beach House Number Eleven, it’s a restaurant, diner, kind of thing, you know.’’

‘’I know.’’ I had no idea, but I didn’t want to sound stupid.

I Googled ‘’Riviera Beach House Number Eleven’’ later and found out that it was a small restaurant in old fishing style, it was really cute and stereotypical. After that, it was just typical girl-styled waiting, calling Amy, shopping for an outfit — not too outstanding, but not too casual either, not too hot, not too cold, etc -, jumping around the house nervously, more of Amy calling, giggling together, fantasizing, looking in the mirror at the outfit, even trying out my perfume collection to see which perfume would be the best to go with the…. Was it a date? A lot of speculation on that question, I can tell you, in the end, I decided it was, or not, I really had no idea. He wanted to get to know me and he took me to a small restaurant, but he never mentioned that it was a date and avoided my questions while texting. So was it a date or wasn’t it? I still have no answer to that question to this day.

I arrived at the diner fifteen minutes too early, and he five minutes too late, I waited for twenty minutes, thinking about leaving, running, jumping, screaming at the top of my lungs, but in the end, I just waited, with my hands wrapped around myself to defend my body from the strong wind that was coming from the West. ‘’Hello there, Rose.’’ The sound of his voice awakened me from my thoughts and I looked up to see my personal God standing in front of me. ‘’Hello, Tyche.’’ My own voice sounded strange and my throat felt dry, I hadn’t spoken in what seemed like hours and my tongue needed to learn how to move again. ‘’Let’s go inside.’’ He walked me inside. Of course, the first thirty minutes were very awkward talking, trying to chitchat but failing and chewing on our seafood as time slowly passed by, but we got on track as soon as we started talking about music, which was an often discussed subject for us, but we seemed to never grow tired of it. When our food was done, we decided to go outside. He held my hand in his and I took off my shoes, since they were open and I could as well walk on my bare feed through the slightly wet sand. We walked and talked like that for a while, until we sad down, and in all kinds of turns, our conversations got to the point where he told me that he had Dyslexia. ‘’There is one word I have known all my life though, I never had to practice the writing of it, I just saw it once and understood it, you know?’’ I nodded, even though I had no idea about what word he was talking. Just when I was about to ask, he started drawing in the sand. “L… O…V…E…’’ He whispered, and wrote. Then he looked up at me and said the following: ‘’L-O-V-E, means ‘I love you’.’’ Our eyes connected and I felt a spark in my chest, he leaned closer and I knew it. ‘’I love you, too.’’ I whispered before we kissed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhZ1BdMtw_Q

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don’t you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

He pushed me into the car, I giggled. We drove off to a small hut on the beach, I tried to get the sand out of my clothes. ‘’Don’t bother,’’ he said, ‘’I will take them off for you in a few.’’

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

He parked the car and took me inside the hut, pushed my into a room with a bed, complete with crisp white sheets, I didn’t notice anything else, I closed my eyes and let his hands guide me.

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don’t mind
If it’s me you need to turn to
We’ll get by,
It’s the heart that really matters in the end

His lips were going from my own, to my neck, slowly down as he undid the bra strap on my back, and slipped my shirt over my head.

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,

These small hours still remain

His mouth followed my skin, his hands figured out the quickest way to undo me of my clothes, the nerves made me shake.

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now

We were both naked our bodies bare, our secrets exposed, I had no idea what thinking was any more, he was so beautiful, gorgeous, like a God, a God that took his chance on me.

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

I breathe out as he lays down next to me, strokes my hair and wraps his hands around my waist. My eyes close, his last words are the only ones I hear for the rest of my dreams.

‘’I love you, Rose.’’

And I think he did, I think he really did love me, for that night, for those few weeks, but not forever, not like he promised he would, not like he ever thought he would. But it didn’t take him long to get over his love, because one month and two weeks later, he stopped texting me, he answered one last call though.

‘’Yes?’’ He sounded tired.

‘’Tyche?’’

‘’Yes?’’ He sounded annoyed.

‘’Why aren’t you answering my texts?’’

‘’Rose… I… I can’t do this any more…’’

‘’What? Why? What is it? Can’t you do life any more? Or is it our relationship? Tyche, answer me!’’

I went to his house after three days of overthinking and worrying, thinking he was depressed and was going to commit suicide, it was one of the worst ideas I ever had…

I rang his bell three times before remembering that there was a key under the potted plant next to the door. I used it to open the door and walked inside of the house. No one was there, but I could just wait until Tyche or one of his parents got home, right? Of course I could, I had been here before. I sat on the couch awkwardly for about ten minutes, until I heard a sound coming from upstairs. ‘’Tyche?’’ I asked out loud, hoping he would answer, which was stupid because he hadn’t answered the door even though I rang the bell three times. ‘’Maybe he’s gaming, and didn’t hear the bell…’’ I told myself, I lief to myself. I should have known better, I should not have come to his house, I should have walked away when no one opened the door for me, but instead, I started walking up the stairs. I heard more sounds coming from his room, but I couldn’t place them at first. Until I realised, I heard moans coming from behind the door, Tyche could have had the closet fall on top of him and he could be dying right now! I opened the door to his room, but was I saw wasn’t Tyche lying in pain under a stack of shelves and books, it was not Tyche sitting behind his screen with a headset on his head either. It was Tyche, but he wasn’t wearing anything, and the girl he was with was naked as well. My mouth fell open, when it produced sound, I was screaming. I ran out of the room, down the stairs and to the front door. That was, until I remembered my that my bag was still lying in the living room. Should I just leave it there and run away? The thought came to my mind for a second but I dismissed it as quickly, in that bag was my life! So I ran back and took it from the couch, and just as I was about to open the front door, a hand landed on mine. ‘’Rose.’’ His voice still sounded beautiful, and when I turned around, he was still as gorgeous, he was still a God. ‘’What do you want?’’ I asked, trying to stay calm and not open up the taps behind my eyes. ‘’I told you it was over, why did you come here?’’ Well that did it, my tears started flowing. ‘’Because I love you! And I thought you loved me too! I-’’ He silenced me by shaking his head. ‘’You called me, I told you it was over, you shouldn’t have come here.’’ I nodded in distress, his words only causing me to cry harder. ‘’I know! I know, and I regret it! But I do not regret the bond we had, and still have! I love you Tyche, you are the one for me, and I should be the one for you too! We are made for each other! Come back to me and I will forget about what just happened!’’ He looked at me, disbelief in his ocean eyes. ‘’You will?’’ I looked back at him, and spoke as truthfully as I could, I knew I only had one chance. ‘’Yes, I will.’’ He leaned in, I leaned in, our lips touched, and the world disappeared. It was just me and him now, just us. Our lips connected, his tongue slipping into my mouth, his hands moving under my shirt, my knees going weak. He picked me up and walked to the couch, laid me down and undressed me as fast as he could. It was only now that I noticed that he was only wearing one piece of underwear, and nothing else. I let my hands run over the six-pack on his stomach, felt that feeling he gave me, let myself drown in his ocean.

That was my sixth mistake of that day. The first was going to his house, the second ringing at his door, the third going inside, the fourth going upstairs and opening his bedroom door, the fifth taking my bag instead of leaving it there. Having sex with him on that couch was my sixth mistake. It was a mistake I had made too many times before, from the start I should have known that he was wrong, from the moment I saw him at the bar on the festival, I should had known that something was just off about him. But I didn’t, and I made many mistakes in the past, my biggest mistake being him. I loved him, he loved me for a while, I didn’t stop loving him, he was the one for me, he stopped loving me, I was just a side chick to him. He really was, and he still is, the one for me. No matter how hard I try to forget him, no matter how many boys I kiss at festivals, no matter how much alcohol I drink or marihuana I smoke, I can never forget him. I will never forget the feeling of the ocean, until I will drown myself in it one day.

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