J for Jealousy

Everyone has a friend in class who fancy crazy ideas like what will happen if the earth stops rotating? Or conduct lengthy discussion about life after death or ask us what happens to our brain when we were dreaming. I also had a schoolmate who fancy ‘out of box’ crazy ideas. I remember many teachers (only female ones aa’) asking him ‘why you can’t think normal’. One day he asked us about the biggest talent of a human being. We gave many answers like ability to work, think, drink even someone said ability to eat food (without food no energy then no life), but he shortlisted two talents; either ability to remember or ability to forget? He thinks that ability to forget is biggest talent because if a man remembers everything he experienced in his life it is impossible for him to sleep since he always holds extreme good or bad emotions at the same time and can never focus on single task. But where did the things that we forget are gone? Will it be recovered?

When I am in the first semester of University someone asked this question in the class: ‘What happen to those files which are deleted from pen drive/USB? I remember the professor using the word ‘shrink’ to describe the process of deleting the files and told all the files will be hidden in the device and can be recovered at any point in the life time of the device.

Similar to the USB stick, I think the things we have seen with our own eyes; incidents we heard from others; fairy tales we came across through books; and all other life experiences are still stored in our memory and can be recovered. Sometimes in dreams we see people or places that we have thought we already forget. Even when we see an old friend we start remembering stories otherwise never come to our mind. But the main problem is that we have no control over our memory, we cannot ask our mind to go and remember what happened on 6th January 2011. I have no idea how to relive my past which I lone for.

Yesterday I met my another school friend after twelve years. We studied together for seven years from kindergarten to fifth standard and also we spend some time together in a private tuition. But he could not recognise me or can’t even remember my existence but the irony is that I can clearly remember him; I have even visited his blue painted house with long pillars and played cricket along with his brother in the backyard full of banana trees using a thick red tennis ball. I remember he even thrown me out of a dance group due to my prolonged absenteeism which prevented me from participating in the dance competition.

Today I declare the kind of people whom I envy most; those people who keep journal or write diary regularly (of course only after those fb friends who post pictures with my crush(es)). Journal writers have (some) control of their past; they can revisit their life like a movie flashback by reading through the pages. They can rediscover what they felt after their maiden stage performance; visiting their favourite city; first or latest breakup; deaths; or they can visualise how their siblings looks like when they were young; how the neighbourhood streets looked like in the old times. They possess super natural power to read their own life story at their own convenience. I am always lazy to hold the pen and put the thoughts on paper before sleeping.

I wish myself as a person who keeps regular journal so that I could have told more stories to my old (new) friend hence proved my existence in his life. Dear ‘diary writers’ I envy you _/\_

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