I feel like I am on a roller coaster

Where every moment is unpredictable

I have moments of happiness but I question even writing this because I feel like this is just how I am now, complaining about emotions. A roller coaster of inconsistency where I lose control of my thoughts and they eventually take over. I can escape them but it takes time away.

I might just be drained. I AM AN INTROVERT, who needs my alone time. It becomes more apparent everyday. It is nothing against the people I care about, it is just something I am realizing more and more.

I love the people in my life.

However, I always try and find what is upsetting me, to learn and work on it.

At this moment, I think it is my lack of success with the people I like. Which I think is a result of my lack of confidence. I try to remind myself what I want, who I want, for what reasons. Because I believe that this isn’t my time for a relationship, I am still growing into who I want to be, and when I am ready I will know what kind of person.

But do you every really know?

This doesnt mean I won’t try, i might be unsuccessfull, but I will try. I like to let people know how I feel, if i value them and for what reasons. I like to let those I like know something I like about them. What’s so wrong with being honest and real all the time.

That’s who I want to be.

I wish I could just be friends with girls instead. But human nature. And maybe the way I was nutured.

At the same time I think this is all only temporary. That I will escape this, and find what makes me consistently happy.

It will be within me, I want to love myself

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