I started it, but i didnt force myself.

The memory still haunts me. I get mad when i think about it. But what can i do about it. Its in the past. She said it. Either way i started it, so he is likely still mad. But what she said about it why im mad. I dont know if i can ever look at her the same way.

So, with these memories that haunt me, learn something.

Im not good at being friends with girls.

I dont know if i want to date friends, even though people say that you should try and be friends first. I dont like losing people. Maybe i wont ever find love because of that.

I must try hard. Keep going and try hard, i want to show this to you. Do i? I blocked you on all media now too. Im still mad. So maybe i shouldnt show you all these thoughts, how im still mad. Idk when. If ever. Whats the point? So you can see how i feel? So you care? I doubt that changes. I cant trust right now if you ever did try to fix this. I have no reason to.

So at least not yet.

With all the friends and people in your life. People can leave.

It hurts a lot. More than a lot of things. I hope you know how i want you guys to succeed. But thats how i feel. In order for you to do well, you must truly want it oo.

But people leave. All you can do is. Tell them how much you care about them, and keep moving too. Dont give up on yourself. I have been a lot. So lost. But im stronger for it.

Stop making everything about me. Try to help others. Understand that they have issues too. Sometimes people need a hug.

No matter what happens, i did truly value our friendship. I didnt mean for it to end this way. But love makes you do crazy things. Then i lost my dad in the way i did. Where it was so sudden. Where i dont talk to many people on a regular basis. Not even my family. Yet i talked to him every couple of days. Then he dissapears. We both were trying.

That pushed me over the edge. Sorry.

Does all this writing even matter?

Its important to me. To get out how im feeling. To have something left behind.

I guess i shouldnt write this for any viewer. Its just for me. But its available to you.

I love you. Keep trying. Please. I must keep trying too. I must try my fucking hardest. I want to perform on stage. I want to play guitar, i want to shred. I want rap, or sing. I want to become great with computers.

So i will. Strive for what you want. I must move on.

Because thats all i can do.