Okay, so its getting better.

The feeling that hindered me is leaving, yet i still love you, and still cant see you with him. I can barely stand when you talk about him. I hope when you see this, if you see this, that you know…i never meant to do this to you guys, im worse at handling your imense love for another than your ex boyfriend. I guess because you really hurt him. A lot, to the point where he still loves you but likely cant trust you. Whats bizzare to me is how important sex is to him, really a lot of people. I guess my views have been skewed because of how ive seen sex ruin the relationships i knew best. That i thought were great. But both were ruined from unfaithfulness.

I wouldnt even take one though. I couldnt, it would hurt to much, i already have these views, because ive seen people that cheat once…cheat again. But im even worse maybe. Im the one completly aware of their relationship but still is the one they cheat with….this is ehat i eanted. To get my voice back, my individuality. Now with all that ive learned, and the ability to continue to learn, and th3 drive to do so. And now i write about you less, yet i think about you almosy thr same, but its little less.

Im moving on. Its still not going to be easy to see you with someone else. Especially in the place where i go to escape. My place of comfort. My home. Of course we share it though. We both need to accomidate for another. So in this case i am selfish. Im needy, i need this.

So now what do i want to write about? Addiction? Music? My thoughts on educations? What i find to be most important in society. Ehat i consider to be the most important in our society and others. What about the least. What about the issues with communicstion. My issues with communication. My issue with relationships. My views on music. On drugs. On relationships. Family.friends.media.social media. What about art. What about cars. Movies. Books. Youtube videos. Technology. There is so much to everything. Ive been so caught up here that ive started to lose myself. So what if we together?

What about now? What about later?

What if we do work out and then i get here again? Would it ever work? Would you ever be able to tplerate all this insecurity. This lack of strength. Would you be strong when i cannot. Could i be for you? Could i make you smile when are low? The worst fear is that we do work out

..but then split for whatever reason, if there is any reason that would cause us to not talk any more is a failed relationship

Who knows. Maybe we wont even be friends then.

I know i want to be. He hasnt come over in days. I asked for that. But its selfish. Completely selfish. But necessaey at this time for me. But you are selfish too. Or you want to be. So who am i to ask you to stop bringing him over. Hes ehat you want. I can see it.

You didnt give him the socks though. Should i say somrthing about that? Maybe. I eant to. Probs not.

What if i never love anyone like you? I think i will. But yourr love will always be within me. Ill never forget this love. You are beautiful. Lost in your phone, but so am i, so i gotta chill about that. Your eyes are the most beautiful feature you have. By far. The soft brown, remindind me more a light milk chocolate, shining in the light. Then there is your smile that is so infrctious even the thought makes me smile. But you see it differently, you find your boobs to be your best quality. Your ass to be just as important if not more..

But thats how you see it. Your focus is more on sex.

Is that relationships though

Idk. I dont think so. If i feel the way i feel, where i want sex and often, very often, but in the same way, its not necessary, everyrhing else is. But it still is somewhat necessary

Idk anymore, and maybe im getting closer to what i need. I still love you too. I guess we will see what the future holds. Ill just do my best for myself with more of a consideration dor others in the meantime.