What if you still don’t have it all figured out?
Finding and following your bliss
I am twenty two years old. When I was 14 years old, the thought of me being twenty two was out of this world. I am going to be so grown up, serious, I am going to know what I want in life, I am going to have a clear path in life, a goal.
Well, I don’t quite feel like that. In a way I feel old-not that I really am old, but I have this strange feeling that I should have done so much by now.I should have figured out what I want to do in life. I should have set a clear goal and followed it through. But the truth is : I don’t. I know I am young. I am just twenty two years old. That is nothing. In my mind I still feel 17. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Not that I am immature in a way that I can’t take responsibility for my life and my actions. It’s just that I am not quite ready yet to grow up. To enter this world of adulthood where you have to act responsibly, get a job , pay bills and have serious conversations. And maybe I don’t have to. I am happy that I can still go and ride roller coasters and scream on top of my lungs. That I can still obsess over my favorite rock band. That I can still wear ripped skinny jeans and look good in them. That I still did not decide what exactly I want to do in my life because that means that I am going to embark on so many journeys and make so many mistakes, fail, get up again until I finally figure out what is that makes me happy, what is my purpose.
I have a feeling there is this notion of hurry everywhere, that we need to figure out and decide as soon as possible what is it that we want to do in our lives. As soon as we start high school, there are the endless questions: Are you going to college? What are you going to study? What do you want do to? Where would you like to work? And after high school, we have to face this huge, scary,life altering decision of choosing our career, our path…being 18 and having to decide on something so big-how can I know, being 18, what do I want to do for the rest of my life? So many things are going to change, I am going to change…things I like now I might end up hating later. There is something wrong about all of that.
I started college and dropped out. Not because I hated what I was studying, but because I felt like I wasn't ready yet to take it seriously. And I wasn't sure if that was the right decision. And I’m glad I quit. I came to US when I was 20. I was alone, it was my first time on a plane, I was coming to a strange country, where I knew nobody..and yet, for the first time in my life, I felt like I made the right decision. I had to take a gap year, a few year actually, to experience something else and hopefully get a glimpse of a person I want to be. Right now, all my friends back home are finishing their studies, graduating, getting jobs and getting married. Sometimes I feel like I should envy them…like, I would have all those things if I stayed in school and followed the same path. But then, I realize that I followed my guts and my dreams of doing something else. I knew that staying in college wasn't the right thing for me. At least, not at that point. I still don’t know what I want to study and if I want to study anytime soon. Education is not all black or white. I never stopped learning, however. There are so many different way in which you can learn…learn by experience. Do something different. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something that scares you.
So I still haven’t figured out what do to with my life. I have so much passion and love for a lot of things and sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I lay in my bed at night and think about what’s going to happen to me if I don’t’ figure It out. Am I forever gonna be this lost? I am twenty two, for god’s sake! But then, a hope sparks in my mind and I think: it is going to be ok, you are young, you still have time. Age is just a number anyways. Take your time, explore many areas , make mistakes, do something else if that one thing fails. You will figure it out at some point. Maybe it’s not going to be what your parents expect of you or your society, but you don’t owe them anything; you only owe yourself to be happy. And if finding that happiness means laughing uncontrollably at 2am with friends, trying to get a glimpse of your favorite rock star after a concert, driving cross country alone in 5 days, coming to a different country to find your bliss-then be it. As long as you’re working on it.