Teddy Ruxpin doll facing forward.
Teddy Ruxpin doll facing forward.
“The blades,” he said. “Were this big.”

OMAHA — Recovering from a significant amount of fluffy lovable stuffing loss, 35-year-old Theodore “Teddy” Ruxpin detailed his accident involving large agricultural machinery that happened last Tuesday. “It hurts,” he said, rubbing his paw on one of the 34 separate stitches now holding his stuffing in, “I’ve been working, ya know. Odd jobs. This one comes in. And how hard can it be? Just stay ahead of the machine. Then I tripped.” Teddy, who was last seen in the public eye in a late episode of JAG during the last season run, had fallen far from his hey day. “The…

Depends where you’re working, doesn’t it?

WASHINGTON D.C. —Surprising many in the transgender community, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) bought out the majority of their staff Thursday in an effort to refocus their efforts on something else.

“We salute these individuals who strove to improve the standing of the transgender community,” said Buck Fuller, interim spokesman for the organization who was in no way waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop and his own employment at the organization to be terminated without cause or recourse, leaving him to not only personally struggle with transphobia as he looks for a job but also the…

After reading this, your friends might passive aggressively forward you articles to change your personality

A woman looking down with her face obscured by hair. She is holding a book. The background is a dark and foggy forest.
A woman looking down with her face obscured by hair. She is holding a book. The background is a dark and foggy forest.
This is probably an introvert. Doesn’t she look sad? Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

Think about it, there are some people that are not really into people. They say they are happiest alone or with a book. But are they really? If they read so much, don’t they see that the Internet is full of articles about how to not be so introverted.

There is no helping them. Can they really be happy people without being surrounded at all times by your bubbly personality?

Sometimes, it’s just not worth it to try to fix these people. They seem impermeable, such that you can’t absorb their life force while filling the void in your own…

Micky Mouse pointing upwards while wearing wizard hat from the film Fantasia.
Micky Mouse pointing upwards while wearing wizard hat from the film Fantasia.
A tattoo that Disney wants removed.

Orlando, FL — The Disney Corporation (DIS) has won a controversial copyright case, Disney v May. In the suit, Disney alleged that tattoos performed by May of the beloved characters violate copyright and Disney can force individuals to remove them. The appeals court ruled in Disney’s favor in a 3–2 decision along party lines.

“We’re very happy with the decision that the court made today,” Disney’s attorney Jack Stewart said. “Disney has a long history of using copyright law to bully smaller creators and today’s victory is no exception.”

The defendant in the case, William May, a tattoo artist from…

President Trump pointing toward the sky.
President Trump pointing toward the sky.
Trump points to the sky in defiance of eclipsing sun.

President Donald Trump was forced to walk back statements he made earlier this week describing a woman as “smart” and that she had a “good idea.”

Unnamed sources in the White House said, “The president knows he [EXPLETIVE]ed up and he intends to never let it happen again.”

The uncharacteristically kind statement comes weeks after Trump said “Excuse me,” to an unnamed foreign leader before speaking at a dinner. In the hours that followed, his critics lashed out at the comments, calling him “Unstable.”

Photo Credit: Lisa Baird

Nobody noticed the young boy sitting on the curb in front of a pay phone. A Delorean pulled into the parking lot, Survivor blaring through the speakers. Or was it some Skylark playing Huey Lewis? It didn’t matter to Michael. He was 5 years old and cars were cars. He was also miles from home and lost.

His mom had dropped him off at Ralph’s house for his birthday party, but Ralph got an NES and then had a tantrum. Then Ralph’s mom made everyone go home because he wanted to play Mario Brothers all by himself an d not…

This man has a lot of nothing to say. (Src)

Franklin Witt, 28, of Eugene, Oregon, has opinions about transgender women. And he is not afraid to say it.

“Those trans activists have really gotten my suspenders twisted this time,” he says, looking up under the brim of his hat. “They are too loud and obnoxious. These men want to pee in women’s restrooms, and I think that’s just not safe for women.”

Katrina Barker, an editor at the popular feminist web site “CHICK STUFF,” was skeptical when Witt sent in his pitch. But ultimately she was persuaded by his dapper appearance.

“We have spent many years giving voices to…

Looking for the source image. Please let me know!

I get some very kind messages, like almost all women do, on the Internet. Some of them include penises. Many do not. Many of mine aim to be helpful, and I appreciate it.

Those helpful tips include suggestions like, “Put down the Cake,” or “Stop eating cake,” or “Fuck your[sic] fatass. Cake isn’t that good.” And, honestly, I agree with that last one; I don’t particularly like cake.

But I can’t ignore the simple fact: I am fat. I blame Gabriel Iglesias for the cake jokes. Thanks, dude.

These messages inspire me. Not to lose weight, no. The evidence is…

Via Unsplash

C/W: food issues, drug use, suicide

I am a trans woman who does stand-up.

I’ve got this joke about how I can’t afford vaginoplasty surgery, so I just won’t lose any weight so I can’t see my dick anymore.

Here’s the thing: it’s kinda true. I am nearly 40 years old. I am well over 6 feet tall, and I am super fat. If I gave you a number you would probably not be surprised. It’s big.

I don’t say I’m fat as a bad thing. It’s just a matter of fact. …

Source Note: I originally addressed this on a thread on Twitter but I figured I would flesh it out a little.

A Note on Privilege

This is my personal experience and recollection over 30 years later. Take it as you will.

As a white person, this does not reflect on the systemic natures of the way our police force targets immigrants, people of color, or native peoples. Though I grew up neglected in a household where drugs were sold during the 80’s drug war, white privilege remains.

I Was 4 Years Old

Funny story, really, getting ripped away from my parents during a drug raid.

My folks had friends…

Jen Durbent

stand-up comic. writer of docs, falsehoods, and poems. camab ⚧ she|they|it. I wrote a novel. or two.

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