Don’t Fear The Fire

My house is on fire. It’s raging around me, out of control, and I’m looking for a way to escape. I feel helpless and vulnerable. I worked so hard for this house. I put in the time to design it. Putting each nail in myself. I paid for every damn board, wall and light switch with a lot of sweat and tears.

I’m referring to my internal house. I had spent a long time rebuilding from the last major life event. I’d poured over my “house plans”. I’d pulled myself up from ruin and BAM…a raging fire around me yet again.

Sometimes life just sucks. It isn’t easy. No matter how self-aware, intelligent, career or life savvy we are, it can punch us in the throat when we least expect it.

Here I am. In the middle of another major life recalibration.

Yesterday I kicked it off with a video getting real with why I didn’t want to talk about my life falling down around me. As someone who makes a living at leading and coaching others, life cycles like these can make you feel like a fraud. And so here I am - getting naked and vulnerable and talking through it with you.

I’ll write and do videos about making peace with our shadow and rebuilding ourselves with courage.

The Razing Of The Forest

The canopy of tall trees in a forest are glorious to look at. They dance and sway with the wind. Eco-systems are supported within the house of the forest. By all accounts the forest of trees is healthy, happy and thriving.

After a fire though, it seems utterly hopeless. The ground is charred black. The life of the forest is gone. Its inhabitants have moved elsewhere. There is no more dancing, no life, no joy.

Yet this is the greatest time for rebirth. Before the fire, the canopy shielded the ground from light and prevented new growth. Now as the ground lays naked in the sun, it can begin to foster the dormant seeds it holds within and bring forth something new.

#1 Don’t Fear The Fire

I learned during my last major life reboot to not fear the fire. Once I embraced the journey, I gave in to letting go and rebuilding. And then, amazing things began to happen. I was stronger, braver, smarter. I developed long-lasting relationships with new people. My career skyrocketed to new places. I began to appreciate myself (for once!) and became a much better parent.

This time I didn’t fear the fire but it sure as hell pissed me off. I wasn’t in control of the fire this time. I was doing the “right things”. It made me angry at the people in my sphere of influence who I didn’t think were doing enough to guard and protect me.

So, fear? No. Anger? Yes.

The next post we will dig into that emotional abyss and how we can use it for moving forward faster.

#2 Don’t Compare Your Journey To Someone Else’s

Comparison is a killer. (My book is forthcoming on this and I have a coaching program on it. But, I digress…) We can’t compare anything about ourselves to others. It’s like forcing an apple to live up to the oranges standards. And so our journey’s, our experiences, our inherent gifts and talents can never compare to someone else.

It’s okay if you are on a different path. I made choices starting at 18 years old that put my entire journey back to front. I can sit around and beat myself up over what my retirement fund looks like compared to someone else in their 40’s, or how much stuff I’ve accumulated (or not), or how my relationship status is lacking.

Or, I can take pride in my accomplishments, determination and general appreciation for my journey. I can recognize that maybe it needed to be this way for my family in order to do things differently and accomplish more.

Whatever your path, whatever the detour…just live it, breathe it in, experience it, cherish it…just don’t compare it.

#3 Get Naked

Find someone you trust with your heart. A friend or mentor. Get real with yourself and them. Don’t hold back. Be vulnerable and transparent.

Say things OUT LOUD. I cannot stress this enough. Speaking it out loud GIVES YOU POWER!

Journal your thoughts and emotions so you can really analyze what’s going on through these moments. Really connect the dots so you can create your new road map.

My good friend, Philippa Sklaar, wrote in her book, When Loving Him Hurts, that “not telling is a form of denial because it allows us to not fully interrogate our behavior”.

Let’s interrogate our why’s. Let’s dig deep into the abyss within and grow from it.

Let the fire rage so that you can enter your rebirth phase and once again rise up from the ashes into a fresh more awesome version of you.

Historically speaking, fire has been seen as a cleansing tool. Use this perspective in your own time of fire. It is cleansing and healing and rebuilding you to greatness.

Make sure to follow this thread of thoughts over the coming days. I’d love to connect and hear from you. I’ve found that forming a community during times of growth is so important. We can’t make decisions or live life in a vacuum. — Live boldly. Love greatly. ❤ Jen