It may be a little hokey, but recent events sparked my interest and I decided to give it a shot.
There was a local psychic fair going on in Louisville where I currently live. Nothing spectacular, just a handful of Reiki masters and mediums offering sessions for $25 in a humble looking home business downtown.
This wasn’t an act of spontaneity. I had been doing a slow, careful research on scientific theories and metaphysics for the past few months after overcoming clinical depression, anxiety and a deterioration of my physical health, ultimately resulting in the looming end to my military career. When you’re backed against a wall you’ll try anything. I started with Chakra healing, meditation and a strict positive change in my diet (3 liters of alkaline water per day, specific raw vegan fruits and veggies, etc.) Further research showed me that I had been making a lot of mistakes with my vegan diet prior and that there was a better way. The thing is that it didn’t take a long time or effort to work. It worked instantly and the more I learned and practiced, the better I felt. The proof was in my lab test results when my hormone levels were balanced and the best I had ever seen. Reaching my full potential will be a slow process, but I know the next steps are to be patient, keep doing what I have been doing and let everything fall into place. It’s become addictive. All I want to do is learn and continue to feel better… become better. I mean, consider the alternative; depression, anxiety, isolation and feeling like shit all the time. No thanks.
I took a second to put myself in a positive mindset with no expectations. I didn’t want my insecurities to take over and close me off to any insight I might gain. I was nervous, though, and not quite sure what I was even looking for. When I walked in, I immediately felt peaceful. Everyone was really nice and the home was very humble, not overzealous or overstimulating at all. One very attractive woman was looking at me and I think she was trying to maybe… I dunno… see my Aura or read my body language. I was curious as to what she was picking up, but felt confident enough not to ask. I was aware of myself and fine with that. After looking over the list of women, I chose the one I felt would be the most positive and the least judgmental; not that the others weren’t lovely… I just went with my gut.
I sat down at the table and made an effort to be mindful of myself and what was in front of me. I noticed that she would be using Angel Oracle Cards. This deck has no negative cards like you see in movies to warn you of horrible events. Usually cards like that are far more suggestive to the negative outcome than to supply you with the information to prevent the negative outcome. Watch the Butterfly Effect and see what happens when you try that… I also took notice of the 6 Rose Quartz spheres and the single Blue Aragonite sphere. First, I felt proud that I could remember the stones and then I remembered the tumbled Sodalite and Dumortierite stones I put in my pocket this morning. It reminded me to be expressive and speak clearly. I then realized that because I was nervous, I had my ankles crossed and my fingers interlaced in my lap, so I uncrossed my legs and placed my open hands on the top of my thighs in order to relax. I couldn’t fix the slouch in my back… a clear sign of deep rooted inferiority that I couldn’t shake. But hey, something to work on…
She asked me if I had come with a specific question, someone on the other side I wanted to reach out to or if I just wanted to see what comes. I chose the later. She kindly let me know that the vibrations, spirits that reach out to her and the cards are suggestive, that ultimately I have the power to choose my destiny and act on what becomes. Which is true and empowering! I appreciated this. Most people walk into psychic readings expecting the person to just know, and in rare instances psychics can pick up information in the vibrations of someone’s voice or the simple gestures of their body language, which is impressive. But a true compassionate practitioner acknowledges the missing variable in Chaos Theory and doesn’t make promises. A seeker’s understanding of this is the other side of the coin. While she was reading me, though, I was also reading her. (In any other circumstance, I actually see this practice as wildly invasive). I wasn’t skeptical because I knew that being skeptical would close me off… I was just a little nervous, but ultimately open and curious and I could tell she saw this. If I gave off any subliminal defense at all, it really just consisted of “I’m here to learn, please be kind and please don’t tell me something untrue.”
The first card she pulled was the Guardian Angel card. She told me that someone specific was looking over me… a father figure. She said that the name Roy was coming to her… or someone with a name that starts with the letter “R”. The specific detail surprised me. She took a moment to channel this energy. Unfortunately, I didn’t know a Roy or anyone with a similar name who passed away and was a father figure to me… at least not in this lifetime. In fact, I don’t have much of a father figure and there have been very few men in my life who have been positive and nurturing. I was honest and open about this fact. So Roy is a mystery to me, but he seemed like a good dude. He seemed to make the psychic laugh during the reading with visions and anecdotes about the positivity I was inviting into my life that would supposedly manifest over the next few months.
The next card was the Abundance card. She told me that I was currently experiencing a newfound abundance and that more of this abundance was coming, that all my hard work was about to pay off, that I didn’t have to worry anymore. I found truth in this. Overcoming depression and hormonal imbalance was not a surface-level problem. It took work and a lot of letting go… of everything. I had to let go of a job that I put blood sweat and tears into, that paid me a stable income, that I was willing to become a Martyr for, that started out innocent and turned into something toxic and no longer helped me grow and no longer became beneficial for me or anyone else. When they say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, this is exactly what they are talking about. I had to let go of people I thought I needed because I didn’t know how to help myself. I had to lose a life-long trend of unhealthy habits, ways of thinking, negative self-talk, social anxiety, control… all of that. But when I did that, it was like… not a light switch, but a spark and then the spark became to flicker, then the light turned on. Things started to suddenly make sense. I was seeing things in a different way and a lot of new information flooded in that I had to process, which was overwhelming. What makes it hard is that there are not a lot of people out there to talk about it with, but there are enough books and YouTube videos to watch in the meantime until I am in a place around like-minded people.
The next card jumped out of the deck and it was really interesting to witness. She seemed genuinely surprised. It was the Listening card. She told me that the angels have heard my cries and that they have been answering. In my meditation, I have been asking for things like we all do in times of desperation. I have also been able to acknowledge when these questions have been answered without having to physically seek them. I have plenty of recent examples that are ironic and uncanny. Wont go into too much detail because I feel like it would require explanation that I’m not really ready to talk about. But this card was most reassuring.
The next card was the Music card. She told me that she feels I have been indulging in music and that I am being encouraged by the spirits to continue. This was pretty spot on… I mean, I don’t just love music, I LOVE music. I recently met a man who was told by doctors that he had characteristics of Autism. Usually people with Autism have a specific talent nurtured and stimulated by a superior sense like sight or sound. This man was a talented musician and could hear in color, which led to a really interesting conversation about music. In my depression, I stopped listening to music… for years. I had stopped playing guitar. In fact, I sold my guitar a few years back, but bought another one recently. I also started listening to binaural beats to help me meditate and sleep. When I told her all of this, she began to laugh at something that spirit guy Roy was apparently showing her. She said that he was showing her that I was in the process of losing my inhibition; that during an upcoming music event, I would be able to dance. A painful fact about me is that I often tell people that I don’t dance. It’s not that I don’t want to… it’s just that my inhibition is THAT bad. I think the last time I danced, it was at the Dinah Party in Vegas a few years back after 4 fireball shots. My friend later showed me a video on her phone of me puking and peeing in a broom closet not the Vegas strip. I couldn’t remember it and I made her delete it. But before my mind goes to that place, I am going to Bonnorroo in Manchester, TN. And I plan to enjoy myself and look at everything there is to look at and listen to as much as there is to listen to.
The last card in the sequence was the Harmony card. She associated this with nature. She told me that I have been making strides to reconnect with nature and, again, I was being encouraged to continue. This is also true. I know that as a Pisces and someone who has a tendency to be neurotic when stressed, it’s tough to stay grounded. I have to make a conscious effort to do this and lately, I have been doing this by going to the park, taking walks, eating meals on a picnic bench, paying attention to what is around me, stopping to pick things up and look at them, try to smell them… I have trouble with smelling (go figure). Just being more mindful takes effort and is a challenge for me since my mind likes to wander. But for example, even when I eat now, I meditate by focusing on what I am eating, thinking in my mind about what the color is, what it tastes like and even trying to smell it in hopes that I will be able to associate and remember. In terms of getting out more into nature, I have been wanting to visit Mammoth Cave, the biggest cave system in the United States, or Devil’s Bathtub in Virginia. Hopefully, one of these weekends, I’ll do one of those.
So here’s what I’ve learned
So here’s what I’ve learned from this whole experience and the things I have been reading… because I did take a look at all the cards in the deck and look up their meanings out of curiosity… and I do read horoscopes and acknowledge that much of the advice can apply to anyone and be interpreted in any given way… but that’s the whole point. A human being at his/her balanced and full potential takes a holistic approach in each one. There may be a metaphysical aligning of Chaos to explain why these specific cards appeared in the order they did, the way they did… or that each one of us has an assigned purpose. There’s a 0.11111% of me that doesn’t know this answer and therefore, I can’t explain it in any certain terms. As long as the experience is positive, it’s beneficial for you, according to Law of Attraction. But it’s that 0.11111% that also allows us to decide, according to Free Will Theory. I’ve been opening my eyes lately and I have been looking around and noticing people and patterns and the connections between it all. And when that happens, it’s extremely difficult, if even possible to go back. I mean, why would I want to?
Is there anyone out there? Is there anyone who understands at all what I am talking about? Roy??