27…that was a rough one
Everyone has their “rough” birthdays, right?
For me, this year’s birthday was rough…to say the least. I wasn’t looking forward to turning another year older and heading further into this next quarter of a century.
I really struggled. I didn’t want a celebration. I didn’t want to recognize it. Even a candy bouquet from my grandparents and tacos at one of my favorite Indianapolis restaurants (shout out to Lucianas!) didn’t do the trick.
The truth of it was, I felt embarrassed. I felt like I hadn’t accomplished anything in my life up to that point.
“But, Jen…you completed a MASTERS degree. Most people don’t have that.”
And you’re right. No one can take my education away from me. No one can take away all the experiences I had working at and covering some of the biggest sporting events in the world. No one.
Yet, something just made me dread this year’s celebration.
Looking back, I can honestly say it was just because I felt stuck.
Anyone else hate feeling stuck?
Stuck at work?
Stuck in life?
Yeah…same! I hate that feeling! And before I took the dive into freelancing myself, I felt stuck.
I can honestly say that I don’t feel stuck anymore…and 27 isn’t so bad. I mean, I wishI could go back to 25, but that’s beside the point.
Over the last two months, things have really fallen into place. I’m just amazed at how it’s all worked out thus far and I certainly am excited for what’s to come. I’m not saying this has been easy…trust me…there have been lots of tears and fears. But not once have I questioned whether or not this was the right choice for me. Instead, all I can think is: “OK. How am I going to make it?” What can I do today that will get me one step further to where I want to be?”
I finally feel like I have control over my life and where it’s headed. I’m no longer tied to what someone else says I’m worth. I’m not fed lies about how much I’m valued in my position, but not worth the pay. I have say over what I charge now, and it’s all up to clients to see my worth for what it really is.
Truth is, I have a lot to offer. I have great ideas and inspirations, and it’s draining to be told repeatedly that I’m not good enough. When in reality, I’m more than enough and I bring a lot of experiences and ideas to the table.
I know I’m not alone in this and that brings me comfort. My husband reminds me every day that I have people who care in my corner. And now that the haze has lifted and I can see more clearly about who I am (but lowkey still kinda figuring this out) and where I want to be in life, I’m no longer scared of 27.
Other than it being an annoyingly odd number, I’m actually excited about what the last 6 months of 2019 have to bring for me. I’m going to keep chugging along and building every day towards the type of lifestyle I deserve.
And you can, too.
So, here’s to no more rough birthdays and optimism for the future and killing this thing!