Losing Amy
Beth Steinberg

I appreciate you sharing your story. Almost 4yrs ago I lost my sister to suicide, but sadly she chose to take her children with her. Why??? I will never understand. She struggled for years and years with mental illness, took medicine, saw doctors, but after she started feeling better she would stop it all. Maybe she thought she could be happy without the doctors or medicine. I’ll never understand. She tried multiple times to take her life, but never involved the kids, but why this time? The only thing I can think of is that we told her over and over suicide is not the answer and why would you put your kids through that. Maybe she couldn’t live without them. In the end she believed her kids would suffer like she was suffering and she didn’t want that for them. I have never felt so much pain, heartache, guilt, sadness,longing and anger before this all happened. People tell you it gets easier with time, but they are wrong. Don’t get me wrong I go about my daily life just like everyone else, but it doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside. A few months after their funerals I was determined to raise awareness for mental illness, I didn’t want anyone else to experience that kind of a loss. I wrote a letter to every news station and even Ellen Degeneres, but the only response I got was from a local news station and they did exactly what I asked them not to do and that was sensitize the situation. All I wanted was to tell my story, what its like on the other side. I wanted people to know what the family goes through when someone takes their life. I guess I hoped it would make someone stop and think before they took their life. My sister was an amazing woman and loved her children more than anything, I just wish we could have stopped her pain suffering. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them. There have been so many times I have picked up the phone to call my sister and tell her good news or ask for advice, but sadly I can’t do that anymore. Why didn’t she want to get better?? Like you said, with suicide you will never get answers and I must say that has been the hardest part for me. She didn’t leave a note, I wish so badly she had left a note. My only advice is to really pay attention to the people in your life, if you see changes in them, ask if you can do anything to help. Sometimes just listening or showing that you care can make all the difference. There is so much work that needs to be done to our mental health system. We need more mental health facilities and better doctors that are equipped to treat the disease. Maybe if we all start talking about mental illness and breaking the stigma more lives will be saved. Thank you for making me feel like I have a voice again. God bless you and your family.

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