Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.
I feel like we focus so much on relationships we forget to talk about friendships whereas healthy friendships are the foundation of healthy relationships. Lately I’ve been going through a season where I have been pouring so much into others thus ending up being empty or feeling like I was doing too much, I was not enough and wondering why nothing was being reciprocated. Not like I was doing all that to be recognized or I expected a reward but when you are a giver and you don’t receive, you can go as far as question yourself and if you deserve certain things
Types of friends:
I know we can go all day classifying people and the type of friendships we can have but I’ll focus on two: the givers and receivers/takers.
Givers:
They are selfless human beings. The happiness and comfort of others is what matters to them. They don’t think twice. Always putting others first even at their own detriment. I’m the type of person to look out for others. My family and friends know whenever they need I’m there for them. I have a hard time knowing when to let go and when to keep pouring into people. Someone asked me someday : “Sammy you are always taking care of others. Who is taking care of you? Do you eve take care of yourself?” And I was speechless because truly, I was so engulfed in others I lost sight of myself. So I got to a point where I said “You know what? Maybe I should focus more on myself. I need to put me first. Fill my cup, water my garden (emotions, thoughts). I should do what makes me happy and not care about what others might think or say. I need me too”. I had spent so much time giving that now was the time for me to get. But here’s the thing, in my process of hurting and people not meeting me half way, I neglected who I was. I was a giver, selfless and nurturing person naturally so turning into a selfish person was diminishing my essence.
Yes, I need some me time and just to focus on myself but the problem isn’t me being a giver. It’s the simple fact that I haven’t set boundaries as to who I let into my heart/life, what I can share to who/when and who deserves to have either full or just a part of myself. The truth is, you will attract people who will genuinely want to know you because of who you are but some people don’t even know they are takers so all they’ll do is drain you. You setting boundaries as to what you share and how you pour into others without necessarily getting hurt is crucial. Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:
- Are the people you call friends safe people?
- Do they create a space for you to be vulnerable in such a way they uphold and lift you up when you fall without being judgmental?
- Do they challenge you to be better?
- Are you your real self when you are with them?
Pay attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around because those are signs the universe is giving to know who you should embrace or stray from. Know when to stop or when to keep pushing. Do not overwhelm yourself and most importantly; know you can’t pour from an empty cup so no matter how much of a giver you want to be, pour into yourself first. You owe that to yourself.
Takers/receivers:
It speaks for itself. Takers enjoy the benefits of what they get. They don’t really bother about reciprocating because they’re used to taking. They are kinda selfish and they don’t have limits as long as it pleases them and makes them happy. Sometimes we act this way unknowingly and I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone. I just want to draw your attention to your attitudes sometimes. Are you always grateful for the little things people do for you? Do you take some time out just to really check on your friends who are always there for you? Do you also have their best interests as they do for you? I understand we all don’t have the same hearts, motives and aspirations but we can all try to meet them half way and make them feel appreciated for all they do and for always being there for us.
This brings me back to my point. If everyone was giving to someone else instead of waiting to receive, we will all be receiving. We need to practice “do unto others as you would have them do to you.” When you consider someone, you treat accordingly to how you would want to be treated. If everyone decided to be selfish and just focus on themselves, how would the world look like? We always encourage people to do good and we on the other hand are the ones taking advantage of their good nature. We want people to make out time for us but we can’t do same for them. We want support but we are not supportive. And the list goes on. Stop for a minute and decide to be mindful and giving. Make sacrifices, put someone first and try being the giver this time. And to givers, do not lose yourself because people can’t appreciate. Place some boundaries and do yourself a favor by not breaking your heart with expectations. Let’s all be the kind of friend we want to have. Have a great day. God blessed.
