If you have piles of monies lying around and are interested in even more piles, I have a business plan that promises to quindruple your investment within six months! With those returns, this business must involve selling wet wipes at a strip club, you say? No, but that would also be a solid business idea.

Science and the Bible only agree on two things: Everyone loves coffee and everyone dies. So why not combine the two? Okay, I did. Welcome to my coffee shop and funeral planning service, Coffinated.

At Coffinated, sip on signature drinks like Café au Laid-to-Rest, Caffé Cremated and Flatline White while relaxing in your future forever home. But don’t get too comfortable or the staff might mistake you for dead, panic and bury you alive in our courtyard! Hahaha.*

If you want to get in on this amazing ground-floor opportunity, act now because my rent is due today!

*Customers must sign a liability waiver before being seated.

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