
I remember sitting in my cousin Mike’s room playing a game of Timesplitter 2 on his PlayStation. Mike got up and threw on a record called ‘Hybrid Theory’. I remember thinking it sounded like a ridiculous name for a record and wondering why someone would call a band after a park or a president. I found myself immediately being stunted from the idea when I saw the cd case. Then he hit play. From the speakers came a sound like nothing I’d ever heard. Linkin Park’s ‘Papercut’ felt like a kick to the chest. It was amazing. A tour de force, from which so many memories now flow. ‘Crawling’ always reminds me of those days most. It goes hand in hand with that room and that game. A chapter of my childhood.
As for many other people born anywhere between c.1985–1993/1994, Linkin Park was THE BAND of my teenage years. Despite all the other phases I passed through, nothing stuck around for as long as LP.
Music has always been a release for me, but there was something about LP which felt welcoming and oddly liberating. Chester’s vocals blew us all away on Hybrid Theory, sung with the precision of a seasoned metal singer. But, it always felt as though there was something deeper to them. A level of underlying pain & suffering, perhaps. At the time I was going through some severe bullying in school. The emotion in those songs connected like nothing else. I never read too much into it, but it was music that I could connect to, far more easily than anything prior.
I can still listen to Hybrid Theory & Meteora & others and know every word, every change of direction, and to still have them feel fresh. Something I can still relate to. I’m not sure how that works, but it makes sense in my head at least.
Chester Bennington was a hugely talented musician and became the voice of a generation in a way that I’d wager he never expected. Chester spoke widely of his difficult upbringing and his battle with addiction. He was in many ways a man struggling to deal with the fame that had taken over his life. Despite that, he managed to channel his emotions & experience into music that made many of us feel like we weren’t in this alone. Like we had a community of others that were going through the same shit, or even worse, and that it was okay to not feel okay.
Listening back through their records the lyrics on so many songs take on a new meaning today. I admit to being disappointed with recent records, but equally, you have to respect that as an artist you’re constantly changing. The music or photography, or films you once made are a reflection of where you were at that point. If you stay doing it for too long people tend to pencil you into a corner. You become known for your sound. Change is open to vitriol from your fans. It happens. But, listening to the new record the lyrics again feel so telling of where he was at mentally.
“I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
’Cause I can’t escape the gravity
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?”
Even looking way back to when they released Shadow of the Day from Minutes to Midnight, it felt like the signs of a pretty major shift in the band’s direction. Even then, the lyrics carried a heaviness that perhaps pointed to Chester’s mental state at the time.
“I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way, ohAnd the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in gray
And the sun will set for you”
The signs may have been there, but unfortunately that’s not enough. No one knows for sure and certain what exactly led to Chester’s apparent suicide, but as with any suicide it’s a tragic loss of life. It’s a greater tragedy that Chester’s music helped a great many people acknowledge that they weren’t alone in the challenges they faced, yet he couldn’t find the help he needed.
One of my oldest friends, Jerome, shared this earlier. He is one of the most die-hard Linkin Park fans I’ve known. I remember having a serious case of goosebumps when I first heard this song, and even more so when I listened to it last night.
Jerome wrote, “Just Chester, a guitar and a song that’s scarily relevant to what he must have been going through.”
Too young, too sad, and far too soon.
RIP, Chester.
Samaritans UK & IE: Call 116 123.
