A Year for Radical Self-Love

Today is the last of the Days of Awe. The days between Rosh haShana and Yom Kippur when Jews around the world reflect on the past year, on what we have done wrong and what we have done right, and dedicate ourselves to doing better, to BEing better, in the year to come.

Part of this is trying to fix the harm we’ve done in the past year. Reaching out to those who we have harmed and saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. How can I heal the harm I’ve done?”

I realized something this morning. Something that for a moment turned the Days of Awe on their head for me. The person I have harmed the most this year is myself.

I’ve belittled myself.
Verbally attacked myself.
Denied myself basic care.
Driven myself to the point of a breakdown multiple times.
Demanded things f myself I would never even ask of others.
Committed self-harm in a variety of ways.
Refused to forgive myself for my accidents and failures.

This morning, I realized this. I realized this and I cried for myself and the harm I had done. The harm I am still doing. I don’t know how to fix this. How to give myself the care and healing I need. But I know it starts, as all paths to restitution and restoration start, with saying “I’m sorry.”

If I have a “New Years goal” it is this: that this be my year of radical self-love. The year I dedicate to caring for myself and fixing the harms of the past years. So next year, when we enter the Days of Awe, I will know I have done right by myself.