That’s the thing.
Lola Phoenix
11

Here’s where you lost me: “ That’s the thing. I didn’t begin to do anything but see if others were actually interested in the project. Maybe it was a fault in my communication, but no one said plainly to me, “Someone is already doing exactly this. Talk to X about it”. Many people said sort of similar things were happening, but nothing specifically was about creating a book meant for individuals brand new to non-monogamy/poly to read.

I initially supported your idea. I think it would be awesome to have a resources like that for PoC and other marginalized groups. But you really remphazied wanting a book by and for PoC. When I woke up the next morning, went to read the thread, and saw the first comment saying that having a white person leading a project intended to help/represent PoC was a problem. I though “OH, fuck! White saviorism, how did I not see this was a problem.”

Then is saw that in response to that same comment, you doubled down.

It’s not about whether or not someone was already working on the same kind of project. It shouldn’t matter whether or not someone else was already doing it. What matters is PoC spoke up to say, “You are not the right person to create a project to help PoC.”

The fact that you wanted to hand off the project you came up with a PoC to take over didn’t make things better it made things worse. It said, “I, I white person, think my idea is one that will help PoC, even though there are PoC telling me to drop it, they are doing the work that they think needs doing.”

We, as white people, don’t get to decide what work or projects will help PoC. You could have said, “you’re right, how can I help with your projects?” You could have said, “You’re right. I think we need a 101 resource for marginalized identities, but I can’t speak for what PoC need. How about I switch my focus to a 101 resource for mentally ill poly folk, or other marginalized identities that I am part of, and I invite any PoC who are interested to contribute.” But you kept pushing that your idea should be valuable to people of color, instead of listening when people of color said, “We got this, please let us handle it.”

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