Crazy Little Thing Called Love

They say, if you’ve never felt your heart being torn to pieces, you’ve never loved anyone with all your heart. — You See,

I have a confession to make: I am a hopeless Romantic. I have always been utterly obsessed with the notion of falling in love.

That doesn’t mean I’ve dated plenty, in fact just quite the opposite. What I’m saying is that there is always something to love about a person. It could be simple like someone always finding a way to cheer you up, or his/her ability to give you the warmest most sincere hugs when you’re down. Probably the fact that they always make the time to check up on you and ask how your day went.

You’ve got to love those people. How can you not?

But that’s just platonic love. Those are little details about people that simply makes you happy. What about the kind of love that aches your heart?

I know I’ve loved someone. If you ask me, I’d obviously say “so much”. Because I know, I really did. I felt happy around him, I got nervous every time we talked, my eyes would never stop following him. His smile melted my heart. I really enjoyed the times we were talking about things with no point at all. I got all excited to be involved in the things he did, and I’d feel like my cheeks would hurt from smiling too much, just by sitting near him.

But one thing,
I never did, even once, cry because of him. So many people in love are driven to the depths of their own feelings, just by the thoughts of that person alone. But for me, somehow, the thoughts of him never felt like that. Even when he started dating another girl, when he gave Valentine’s chocolate to her, all the way until she broke up with him, and found another guy. What did I feel?
It was just a simple “Oh..”
Just like that. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel my world crushing, my hands trembling or whatever those clichéd novels say. Now that I look at it again, yeah it did turn out to be a pretty bad situation. He said I was his best friend. Just. A best. Friend. So he told me how things were going on with her. He told me when he felt broken. And all I could think of was, “Oh, is that so…” again, with no feeling. I didn’t even run crying to my best friend like how she would run to me when she was upset.

“EVERYONE SAYS THAT GETTING over somebody ‘just takes time’ and that one day it will stop hurting and the door will open for you to move on. We are also told that love is eternal; something extraordinary that will stay with you forever.” 
― Natasha Preston, Broken Silence

That left me wondering.
That thing I was feeling, that I thought was pure love, was it even love at all? If it was, how come I survived that many moments that should’ve crushed my heart all at once? How come I’ve never woken up with swollen eyes? If it wasn’t love, what were those happy feelings for? Why was that nervousness even there? If it wasn’t love, then what is?
Was it because of my too-realistic mind?
Was it his kindness to everyone, that made me realize that I wasn’t anything special?
Was it my stubborn heart that wouldn’t admit to sadness?
Or have I really,
really, in my life,
never loved anyone
with all my heart?

I’m not saying I am cold-hearted person. I loved the little details about that person, but not enough to let it ache my heart.

I will cherish the love I have for those people. Even if I happen not to be friends with them anymore, I know that at one point I loved something about them.

I’d like to think that things don’t work out because, well, because greater things were in the works.

At the age of 20, I have started a journey to learn how to love myself. My whole self. That doesn’t mean I’ll restrict myself from finding love, or loving someone.

For now, I want to imagine my own life. I want to be able to navigate through life’s exciting opportunities and devastating disappointments independently — and if and when a guy decides he wants to join me, I’ll still be able to have the peace of mind that I can do it alone. I will be able to imagine my life without him, because at that point, I will have already done it alone.

I want to completely love myself. I want to become my own soulmate. I believe that at this age there is so much to live for. So much above and beyond concerts to attend [That’s the dream]. Loving myself completely will allow me to not only love the little details of a someone, but the whole person they truly are. I have the rest of my life to find the guy who gives love a whole new meaning for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me that will make me fall in love with his dorky personality and laugh at his witty jokes. or that he will hold his boombox on my front lawn to the sound track of the breakfast club.There is a man for me that will share an unbreakable bond, held together by the deep desires of love.

My heart will wait for this crazy little thing called love, the kind of love that will ache my heart.

I hope you enjoyed this read. I’ve decided to rant a little about this topic since one of my very close friends is in a ‘love-crisis.’ I also included my own thoughts on this thing called love.

That being said, below you’ll find a video of song by one of my absolute favorite Dj’s. Also the song I replayed while writing this piece. I hope love comes your way.

Until next time lovelies!

I’m Outties. — xoxo