“NOT ALL MEN”
For the people who constantly try to remind us that it is “not all men”, I genuinely do not blame you. I do not have hatred in my heart for you because you do not understand and that’s why I am writing this.
Every one has categories in which they group people in their life so they know where each person stands in their life and it is the same for women. A woman puts men into mainly these categories:
THE FRIEND.
The friend’s category is for these set of people; the random guy in her class she says hi to(the acquaintance), the guy she has been pals with for a while, the one she talks to from twitter, the friend of a friend, the gist partner, and every other person that can be referred to as a friend. You get where I’m headed.
THE FAMILY MEMBER.
This group of people are special. They are definitely not on the same level as others. Here, we have the biological father(and every other male that she considers a dad to her or sees as a father figure), the uncles and uncle figures, the brothers, friends that have become brothers due to that special bond, cousins, nephews, extended relation, family friends, long time stewards(house boys, gatemen, drivers, lesson teachers, cook, etc and even short time stewards especially if she lives with them or sees them regularly) and so on.
THE LOVERS.
The lover’s category is self-explanatory. This is where people she is romantically involved with are. Yes, the family is special but this is something else. This is passion oriented. Feelings are involved, adrenaline, and every other thing. We have the boyfriends here. Fuck buddies, ex’(in some cases), crushes, fiance, husband, ‘situationships’.
THE STRANGERS.
This is literally people she has no emotions or whatsoever feelings for. This refers to the random trader at Yaba market, the guy that pulls her arm at the club, the one who comes across her tweet, the one she meets at the bus stop, the guy who sits next to her on a plane, the bus conductor, the Uber driver, the okada man, and the Agbero. The list is endless. It is these ones who act with the most entitlement.
Now that you understand the place of every man in her life, the next thing is understanding why she chooses to say “men are rapists” and not “some men are rapists”.
From the things we hear and experience, we see that at least two of these groups of men have at some point let “that” woman down. And I choose to use categories and not the number of men from each category because the average woman gets abused right from her childhood years when she knows literally nothing. So imagine the number when she gets to the age of 50, that is if she has not been beaten to death or raped or stressed to death by one man from any of the above-listed categories. Yes, it might be true that in most cases, we might see only one category being called out. But because I have two out of four on my sexual predator’s score sheet does not mean that when the next girl tells me that all the men in those categories have at some point groped her or forced their way on her, I should cuss her out and call her a liar because as horrible as it seems, it happens.
We get groped by men in the market, in clubs, in buses, in queues, in restaurants and all sorts of crowded places. We get slut-shamed and insulted, we are told the most horrible things by people we know and do not know. We get beaten by friends, family, strangers, and lovers. And upon all of that, we still get raped by the same category of men, over time.
So dear men, every single time a woman says “men” not “some” as you expect she should because she hasn’t met all men, please know and remember that;
She doesn’t hate you for being a man, she is just tired or all four categories being predators.
If you decide to turn to the other side when you see a woman being touched wrongfully, you are one of the men that she speaks about and you are an encourager.
