Requested Review: The Legend of Johnny Lingo
Or How to Turn 91 Minutes into An Eternity
Every day I get asked what I think of certain movies or TV shows. As a cinephile, I make it a goal to see as much as I can, but even I haven’t seen everything. On REQUESTED REVIEWS I take a look at some of the more obscure flicks I’m asked to comment on or famous films I’ve yet to seen. These range from mainstream hits to cult schlock. If I have seen the movie and haven’t written anything about it, I might even settle down and write out my thoughts. No matter the quality, I’ll watch it, all you have to do is ask.
Today’s request came from a friend who didn’t divulge any details about what the film in question was, only that I was to watch it (it turns out he himself didn’t know much about it). All I was given was a title: The Legend of Johnny Lingo. A quick Google search doesn’t bring up much, but what is there isn’t promising. A 13% on Rotten Tomatoes and almost no coverage on other sites doesn’t inspire much hope. Nor does this DVD Cover:
The DVD screams “Made for TV Kids Film Shoved Out On DVD in the Hopes Some Sucker Might Think It’s a Real Movie,” but it does proudly boast it’s from the producer of Jurassic Park and Hook, so maybe it has some sort of value. Most user reviews I found generally state, “It isn’t going to win any Oscars or anything, but it’s likable and has a good message!” This is a laughably horrible justification for a bad movie, as you can literally say,” Well it won’t win any Oscars,” about any bad movie and it would technically be true, but there’s still a gap between Showgirls bad and Transformers franchise bad. It’s like a lie you tell yourself when you know a film is bad, but you don’t want to fully admit it. There aren’t many audience reviews for The Legend of Johnny Lingo, so I’m inclined to believe it’s just people who have a sort of personal connection to it. I’d need a wider array of reviews to properly gauge the quality of the film based on its audience reception. I avoided any information outside of that, I still wanted some semblance of discovery while watching it.
During my screening I became keenly aware of something that felt oddly familiar, it was falling victim to tropes and problems of a certain genre of film that I’m not too fond of. I immediately dug further into the film’s background and my suspicions were confirmed.
You see, The Legend of Johnny Lingo is religious film, it’s a Mormon film to be precise. You expect this might be obvious while watching it, but Mormonism is never actually brought up. The film is designed for those who are already part of the religion, for young kids to learn Mormon teachings. If I had looked more into the movie beforehand, this would have been much more obvious while watching it. That producer of Jurassic Park listed on the DVD cover? Yeah, he’s a Mormon and pretty much bankrolled this project it would appear. The story? It’s a remake of a short Mormon film from 1969 produced by the church itself and I’ve read it’s pretty popular with Mormon families (which would explain its small but devoted fan base and the lack of substantial reviews). That short film was in turn based off a short story which was actually supposed to be a Catholic story. The tale is designed for educational purposes (though as I’ll mention later, it’s educational value is sort of minimal if non existent).
Now I’m not religious in any way, shape or form, but that isn’t my issue here. I’ve seen plenty of great religious movies. The Last Temptation of Christ, Life of Brian, and The Passion of Joan of Arc are classics in every respect. Heck, I’ve even seen a good Mormon feature (Napoleon Dynamite anyone?). But there’s a reason almost all of the religious films that come out today are savaged by critics and almost neigh unwatchable outside of riffing purposes, they have a bad habit of holding up the theme over filmmaking and storytelling in terms of importance. Now theme is important, but the focus should be on the filmmaking and storytelling, which will make the theme itself approachable. This is why those other religious movies worked so well since they had great filmmakers behind them. If the movie is poorly made, very few will care about the theme at all. That is except for religious circles, where the film’s importance tends to be the theme alone. Sure, they’re all aware of these shortcomings, but I’ve noticed more and more people I know who are religious are more forgiving of these filmmaking sins if it has a good message. I’m going to be blunt, I don’t hold that same sympathy, especially considering I Johnny Lingo’s “message” is poorly handled.
The Original
The 1969 short film, Johnny Lingo, focuses on the titular character, a well liked Polynesian trader. A local Caucasian shopkeeper is informed that Lingo has come to the island to bargain for his wife, a young outcast named Mahana. Mahana’s neighbor’s and even her own father considers her of little to no value and quite ugly to boot. Everyone is perplexed by Lingo’s choice of bride, but Mahana’s father decides to take advantage of Lingo’s fortune and demands two cows as a dowry for his daughter’s hand in marriage. In a shocking twist, Lingo offers eight cows for Mahana, an offering never heard of and unspeakably valubale. The Islanders believe Lingo to be crazy, and the shopkeeper considers him to be vain, paying eight cows to simply show off to the islanders that he could. However, when the shopkeeper witnesses Lingo and Mahana in their home, he’s surprised to discover Mahana, in his eyes, is beautiful and happy. He asked Lingo how it is possible. Lingo explains he offered eight cows as a sign of what he though she was worth. The local women brag about how much their husbands paid for them, but only Mahana would be able to say her husband thought she was worth eight cows. He says all that mattered was making herself realize she was worthy and that she be happy.
Now I first want to discuss the production, which I actually quite like. The Mormon YouTube Channel that hosts this film online actually comes complete with a pop up commentary about how they filmed it, and I quite enjoyed it. The reason I enjoyed it is because it’s a generally well put together movie and the trivia facts only added to my preciation of the end product. Its nicely acted and directed, and the look of the film is honestly gorgeous for all it’s low budget quality. The film utilizes actual Polynesian actors which is nice for a change, though their wigs are laughably fake. The whole thing sort of has a charm to it that makes it endearing. I can see why this has been a mainstay with Mormon audiences.
Though I still can’t recommend it personally. Where its charming filmmaking succeeds, the theme falters. Like I said, it’s important to emphasize story over theme for the theme to matter, but it still has to be a good theme. The general theme of treating others like they’re worth something is good, but how the tale goes about it is pretty poor. For one, it judges self worth with monetary value. The only way Mahana learns of her worth is through others and not, you know, the fact she worth everything in the world because she’s a living/breathing human being. Her life is worth more than any object, but you wouldn’t get that idea from this story. Her only standard for her own worth is how many cows Johnny Lingo trades for her. First off, the dowry system is pretty outdated and I don’t think I really need to get into how messed up the whole “selling your daughter” thing is, but let’s just assume it’s supposed to be reflective of the time and setting (though the fact it’s a fictional story means that setting this story here is unnecessary anyways). What if Johnny Lingo were not rich, would Mahana ever learn of her already inherent worth if Johnny still asked for her hand? Would she have accepted it simply based on his love for her, which he claims has been present since they were children? Also there is the fact that the story insinuates there’s a natural difference between one who is “ugly” and one who is “beautiful”. They can’t even pull off a “beautiful on the inside” sort of thing because a big part of the story is that once Mahana learns of her self worth, she becomes “beautiful”. The theme of the story is to treat others with respect so they’ll know they’re worth something, but it teaches so many unintentionally awful morals on top of it. I can only see this playing to two crowds because of this: cultures who still function on a system of marriage that has dowries and Mormons who show it in church to teach a specific message so the kids only focus on that singular message. But even then it doesn’t excuse the poor messages. It’s supposed to be a Cinderella story but it ends up playing out like The Ugly Duckling, a children’s story that is sort of messed up and stupid when you think about it. One’s self worth should be taught, but not on the basis of what others think about you (also I just realized it’s kind of sexists a large part of the story hinges on the fact that women gossip on top of being goods for men to sell and the only way a woman knows her value in life is based off what a man thinks about her….that’s pretty messed up).
So unfortunately while I admire its charm, the central story doesn’t hold up. If you’re curious you can watch it here:
Something I didn’t mention before is that even for a short film, it feels a bit padded. I read the short story it’s adapted from in about five minutes flat, it’s an effortless read. So while it’s a good adaptation, it does go out of its way to extend the story to fill 26 minutes. Now imagine the remaking stretching that same story to 91 minutes.
The Remake’s Plot
Would you believe this remake also tells the original story over the course of 26 minutes? The original story is at the tail end of the movie and it lasts about as long as it did in the original. It’s just as padded, but that means the film spends its first hour undergoing EXTREME padding just to make the 91-minute runtime.
In this version we follow a young boy who washes up on shore via wreckage during a storm. The local chief takes the child in as his son under the name Tama, deeming him to be a gift from the gods and that he shall become the future chief. The chief’s wife is furious over the fact that the chief has taken the honor of future chief away from their own son, and she begins a smear campaign against Tama. After two years, the whole town is convinced Tama has been sent down by the god of mischief and the chief denounces him as his son, giving him to a local fisherman. Tama spends a few years as the fisherman only child until the Fisherman’s wife gives birth. Fearful he will be ignored by his foster parents, Tama begins to create a raft to escape the island in case he is unwanted. While being bullied by his raft, Tama meets Mahana, currently a young girl of the same in this version. After the fisherman blames Tama for not being around when their house burns down, nearly costing the life of his own son, Tama joins Mahana’s family. Her father is the town drunk, so Tama insists she run away with him for her own safety. But when the two make way for the raft, Mahana decides it would be best to take care of her father who can’t care for himself. Tama promises to return for her and he floats away.
Tama washes ashore on another island where he is taken in and cared for. He is told the great trader Johnny Lingo lives there and it’s a great fortune that he will get to meet him. Lingo takes a liking to the boy, but when Tama is accused of letting a cow out of its pen and it gets sick, Tama steals from Lingo in the hopes of making an escape before he is punished. He is caught and forced to work off his debt for the next seven years. Over the years, Lingo and Tama grow closer. When Tama accidently ruins a dowry exchange with Lingo in tow, it puts Lingo’s life in danger. Tama fixes the situation, and in the process it is discovered that Tama is actually from the village where the dowry is being presented, and he is in fact the rightful chief of the village. Johnny Lingo reveals to Tama soon after that he will die soon, and that the name Johnny Lingo is a title passed on from person to person, and Tama will now inherit the name and his fortune. With Lingo’s newfound chiefdom and fortune, he sets out to rescue Mahana from her life of misery, so now we finally come to the actual story.
Lingo arrives on the island and no one recognizes him due to his appearance, wealth, and new identity. Even Mahana cannot see it is Tama, who she has waited eight years for by the ocean. Lingo attempts to ease her into liking him again, but he ends up making her pissed off. Lingo discovers she longs for Tama and he worries now she won’t accept him as he waited too long to return and she doesn’t like the Lingo persona. Lingo announces he has chosen Mahana as his bride, much to the shock of the village. The village still vilifies Mahana as ugly and unsociable, yet Mahana herself is scared that marrying Lingo means giving up on Tama. On the day of the dowry bargain, Mahana’s father states his daughter’s care and attention has meant everything to him and she’s worth more than all the gold in the world, but he still request two cows from Lingo as he knows he is wealthy. Lingo offers eight, revealing each one represents a year he did not return for Mahana. Everyone realizes it is Tama and they all live happily ever after.
General Thoughts
It may seem like nothing much happens overall and the film is relatively short, but the filmmakers cram a lot into this plot. I imagined the film would simply stretch out the plot of the original, but the film actually throws so many new plot points every minute, you don’t realize how much of it is pointless until the film is over. What was gained from making Tama a chief if he’d just become Johnny Lingo? That entire subplot could have been better served developing the relationship between Lingo and Tama and better emphasizing character growth. That way, Tama could learn self worth through proving he’s a hard worker, rather than life just rewarding him for being born the son of a chief. The fact we don’t focus much on Tama’s relationship with any one character for a long time is a consistent problem caused by the need to shove in too many plot threads. It seems as if Tama only knew Mahana as a child for a mere three days based on how it’s edited. To get the plot moving, the film avoids showing scenes it deems “superfluous” to the the central messages, but it ends up undermining those very messages in the end as a result. Take for instant the crimes Tama commits. He is accused of not staying where he was supposed to when the fisherman’s house burned down, but the audience was never told he was supposed to be there. Mahana’s father is cruel to Tama since he washed ashore the day his wife died. Again, the audience never knew that. They accuse Tama of leaving the gate open for the cow to escape. Once again, we never see that. The effect this has is that we never really trust these claims against Tama, they come off like adults shifting blame onto a child for their mistakes. This means when Tama steals from them in retaliation for their accusations, it feels warranted. The film chooses to portray this as a bad choice, and it is, but the film would better communicate that point if it didn’t feel justified by how the adults treat Tama.
Another instance of rushing the plot to cram as much in there as possible: the council and chief deciding in the beginning that Tama is sent from the god of blessings and that the boy should become chief. We’re never told why they came to this conclusion, they just do. So when the chief strips his own son of his claim to chiefdom, it feels like a dick move. His wife’s anger is justified, but then she pins the blame on the child instead of her husband. The quick pacing of the plot leads every adult to seem like a terrible human being. Nothing motivates their hate for Tama outside of their own ignorance. This would fine if it were just some of the adults, but literally every adult character does something stupid at some point.
Padding is a serious issue, more than most films I’ve seen. It’s one thing to have a flashback, it’s another to dedicate a whole minute and a half of film to what amounts to a “best of” compilation. Towards the end of the film, Mahana remembers all the times she spent with Tama, and they cram most of their shots together from the beginning of the movie into a mini montage. The fact they were even able to fit most of their material into one minute ironically expresses how little time they spent together. Also the whole plot point about Tama fearing Mahana won’t accept him for not coming back to save her is pretty much pointless since it doesn’t go anywhere and only serves to further pad out the story. The bigger issue is there are plenty of plot points that might actually benefit from having more footage and padding. Characters make a big deal of how dangerous it is to sail alone, but any clips of Tama doing this are condensed into about 10 seconds, giving it no sense of challenge or effort on Tama’s part. If the film decided to use only about five of maybe the ten plots this film has and focused on fleshing them out more, then this might have worked.
Thematically the film only worsens the original story. By making Mahana a victim who sits around and waits for her hero, it makes her out to be a Cinderella, she could totally prove her worth if she tried doing anything other than waiting. There’s this great bit in the film where Mahan’s father actually makes a grand statement about how great and wonderful she is as a person in front of the entire village, stating she’s worth more than any material item. That’s a great message…which they immediately undermine by having him still request a dowry and opting into the original story’s take on the material. The movie was so close to redeeming itself and making it somewhat worthwhile, but it dropped the ball in the end. The problems with how the moral is told in the original are still present here, along with the other issues I mentioned above. Rather than focus on one concrete theme, the film attempted to include a variety of lessons, the ultimate religious film for kids if you will. The issue is that amplified the problem of most religious movies by how many times it attempts to add a new theme, because all of them were more focused on then actually making a good movie, so the film suffers even more than usual.
I think the short film looked great and cinematic, but the feature length rendition is shockingly shoddy in terms of filmmaking. It has all the makings and quality of a made for TV movie, but this was in fact a theatrical release. The camera is static and relies primarily on long and medium shots, just like in most TV productions. Locations that looked immersive and alive in the original feel flat and appear to look like cheap sets. It’s clear some effort went into building these locations, but the camera does not do them justice.
The acting is bland. It isn’t awful or the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but it’s pretty bland. I like that it has an all Polynesian cast, but it didn’t mean they got the best actors for a lot of these roles. All the actors who portray Tama do a fine job, and if it weren’t for that I don’t think I’d have ever finished this movie. Every adult is played up to be a cartoon cut out and every child acts like a bully for seemingly no reason. The characters in the original short were goofy, but the actors at least turned in great performances and sold the story. I know this is intended for kids, but the reason the original film seems to hold up with Mormons more than this one is that it communicates its message better and doesn’t really talk down to its audience. Its message is still shoddy at best, but it at least treats the audience with respect. I may even watch it again, but I don’t think anything would bring me to want to watch this feature film version again.
Final Thoughts
Man, that one was tough. I didn’t include every little point I had about the movie, because this would be quite honestly impossible to finish. I had a note for something that happened at least every minute of screen time that either rubbed me the wrong way or made me just want to quit. As a start for a new review series, I hope it isn’t an indication of what’s to come. Overall, I’d say skip it. If you’re really curious, watch the short film. I still stand by the fact I don’t approve of it’s execution of the message, but the short is at least charming.
Also do not let the DVD cover deceive you. There was only one seen of surfing (and not in the way the cover depicts it) and those animals certainly never show up. The DVD cover was more entertain than this movie, which is pretty unfortunate.
Do you have a movie/tv show you’d like me to talk about? Just comment and request.
