A Letter To Someone Struggling With Unforgiveness

Dear friend,

I am sorry you’re struggling with unforgiveness. I know you’re hurting so badly. I believe you didn’t intend to be bitter and unforgiving. I understand you’re finding it hard to let go. You’re keeping scores of the wrong done against you in the hope of vengeance. You feel so much hate for the person and completely lose your mind at the thought of him. You are filled with anger and pain. You don’t think you will ever forgive him. You deliberately ignore anything which reminds you of him and harbour so much evil against him. I understand how you feel.

Yet you have to forgive the person. I am not downplaying the seriousness of the offence. I am only asking you to forgive for your own sake. Unforgiveness deprives you of joy and saps all your energy.

I understand you’re trying to deal with two extremes of unforgiveness. First, with your dad who failed to take care of you for several years. Second, with the shop attendant who displayed rudeness while you tried to purchase an item. All you expected was a sincere apology from the shop attendant in order to forgive her. Regarding your dad, you only need a few hours to ask him all the questions you’ve been thinking of since you were 10 to forgive him. You’re trying to reach a closure. However, closure isn’t always available. You may never get it. Don’t hinge your forgiveness on that. Decide to let go.

You need to forgive so you can heal. Forgiveness is necessary for healing to take place. Healing takes time. Don’t rush the process. Be patient with yourself. Shield yourself while you heal. You don’t want to continually revive a deadly wound. You have full control over your life. Don’t give someone so much power over your mood.

Also, when someone upsets you, say it. If you choose not to talk, don’t harbour it in your heart. Accept apologies when offered bearing in mind you are susceptible to making offences too.

Forgiveness is not always easy but necessary. As I mentioned earlier, forgive others for your sake. You need to free yourself.

All the best,

Dzifa.

Originally published at Dzifa Mensah.