Dog years, my friend
Most friendships last as long as a pet.
A year of friendship is equivalent to seven human years. If you’ve known someone more than a baker’s-dozen summers, chances are they’re not a friend but a soulmate.
Soulmates may be made in heaven but some of them can take you to the gates of hell. That’s what they’re for – to purify the dross and hammer you into a more rounded, resilient version. Anything less is kindle.
Call it growing pains. No one blames their mom for telling them to ‘clean up your shit’ or ‘don’t do that!’. If God wanted children, she would have made us out of porcelain, not blood, sweat and tears.
Beware the light-and-love messages – they are often postmarked Return to Sender at the pearly gates.