Depression is a mental hurricane. All kinds of research and stories are out there regarding depression and its negative effects. However, there is less information and what it feels like after the hurricane. For good reason too — it’s important to focus on the main, and worst, part of the illness. But today I want to write about the aftermath, what happens next, after the darkest parts are over.
First, if you’re struggling at the moment, and are doing like I did and googled anything related to depression stories when I was lying in bed to find anyone who can relate, know this: It DOES get better. I am on the uphill now. It might take a long time, but we need people like you. If you have depression I believe you have a gift. You are able to see the world as it truly is — bleak. And once you get out on the other side you become humbled in knowing we suffer, and from there you enjoy life in a different way. Essentially, I treat it as an inside joke. So you can do this. I never thought I would, but I can…and if an idiot like me can I know you can.
Now, the aftermath. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% better, but I don’t have the symptoms enough to know that there is hope. I know I will thrive one day. But it will take a while. And here’s what it’s like after the storm.
I quit drinking alcohol. I limit myself to one caffeinated drink a day. I exercise. I meditate. I take my antidepressants. And why? Because I’m in the mindset that I don’t want to go back to where I was. So what’s the problem? I feel trapped — I’m only doing these things not to thrive, but to cope. I’m limited to coping, not being happy. If happiness were on a scale from 1 to 10, I would never be as low as a 3, but never as happy as an 8. I’m stuck. I’m trapped. I’m limited to the 4–7 scale. I don’t want that. I want to feel a 10. Feeling a 10 is only a distant memory from 5 years ago. Since then, it’s not I’m happy! so much as it is I’m not depressed anymore!, and I’m getting tired of not being able to reach my full capacity.
Again, I know it’s accessible. I can feel it, it’s somewhere. But it’s distant, and will be a long journey ahead.
This isn’t a story that ends on a high note. I’m really just writing this for me — to organize my thoughts and understand them. The fact that you are reading this is bonus. Maybe you’ve been there, maybe you have a trick. That’s what I’m hoping for. Anyway, sorry to disappoint, but I hope this helps.
