The Root of Our Addictions

For pastors who are trying to quit pornography

Most addictions we aren’t able to control grow out of our attempts to relieve the unbearable tension that results from our failure to deal with the disappointment of our deepest longing for relationship.

Sinful addictions become compulsively attractive when the pleasure they give relieves deep disappointment in the soul better than anything else one can imagine.

The good feelings offered by having enjoyable illicit sex, eating scrumptious food, or controlling crowds with skilled oratory can numb the ache of unmet longing by providing a satisfaction that, for a time, fulfills like nothing else ever has.

People feel alive in the midst of consuming pleasure. thus, whatever generates the pleasure seems so right.

Pleasure of the body (such as sex or eating) and of the mind (such as power or applause) can be marvelous counterfeits of real joy, when joy is nowhere to be found.

Their insidious appeal lies in their power to give quick relief from groaning, a relief that feels more than good — it feels like life.

When pleasure of any kind are used to satisfy (or at least quiet) our real longing, then the craving for what only God can provide becomes a demanding tyrant, driving us toward whatever relief is available.

Our god becomes our appetite or our desire. Longings meant to create a panting after God, energize our addiction to whatever feels good for a moment.

This is where tragedy begins.

Pastors who are trying to quit porn need to realize that porn isn’t the issue.

The root of your porn addiction is most likely your unmet longing or need for an intimate relationship.

Shallow relationships or dutiful relationships are the usual catalysts that drive your soul to porn or anything that will relieve your longing for intimacy.

The greatest antidote to your addiction is an authentic and intimate relationship restored with your Savior, your spouse and your family.

Instead of trying to ‘quit porn’ I would suggest that you take the time necessary to retreat and give full and undivided attention to your wounded and exhausted soul.

In God’s presence, take the time to look deep into your soul and your greatest need that has been neglected for so long and cry out the prayer of David, — “Restore unto me the joy of Thy Salvation”. (Ps 51:12)

Understand that the more you try to keep pastoring without passionately experiencing God and embracing and meeting the deepest need for your soul, you’re setting up for yourself (and for those around you) a greater fall, disappointment, and heartache.

— parts adapted from Inside Out, by Larry Crabb