A reply.
Once upon a time, I would have had to write a letter back to you, but times have changed. It’s easy enough to reply using instant messaging, but what’s the fun in that?
I’m not gonna lie, I love writing cursive. It looks nice, and I’m a bit proud of my own writing :^) I don’t even know how my cursive looks okay, I only practiced it back in Grade 2 when I learnt it, and I never really used it until you introduced me to fountain pens. I guess my style of writing lends itself to the smooth lines needed for cursive. Love the color of your ink, by the way. But anyway, I’m going to address some of the topics you mentioned. We might have talked about it already, though. Eh.
The time we went out together on the 24th, I wasn’t just tired because of a lack of sleep. I did mention that I felt salty. Salty for many reasons, so there wasn’t a straightforward cause as to why. One reason I felt salty was because I’ve been trying to distance myself from Tiff. Dunno if it seems like that in any way. As this is pretty much private, I’m not going to hold back on my thoughts, but I wish that you don’t read too deep into what I say, as it’s easy for me to miscommunicate exactly how I feel. I know already that I had no chance with Tiff, but besides that, I feel as if most people would prefer that I not try. Again, I’m not saying that’s wrong in any way. I acknowledge how Steph feels about the situation, and your thoughts on it as well. They come from different approaches, however. Steph’s approach comes both from being close friend with tiff, but also with emotion. I would consider your approach to be more of a situational analysis. Then again, I could be wrong to assume people’s behaviour. Beforehand, (say, a little over a month ago) I thought maybe I’d just keep things the way they were. I wouldn’t give up, but I wouldn’t confess or anything. Now, I’m trying to avoid the situation altogether. Partially me acknowledging the fact that things won’t work out, and partially feeling that others have a strong disapproval about it altogether.
I’m going to try and leave this topic behind altogether from now on. Blogging about it isn’t helpful.
Do I lack sleep? Yes, I do. Do I still want to hang out with my friends? Well, yes. Should I be hanging out? Questionable, of course. Will I change? Not likely.
I’ve never been going at doing homework or studying, so usually I leave them until they have to be done. Knowing myself, even if I didn’t go out with friends, I wouldn’t do my work knowing that they’re having fun together. I’d be pretty bitter about it too. Just being a student at BCIT lends itself to long hours at school, and a heavy workload. There’s no way around that, and I’m not the type to focus on work even when I have school. It’s astoundingly impressive to me that William goes to bed early. I need free hours. I can’t just go to school, study at home, and sleep. You would say it’s unhealthy to stay up late, or go out with friends when there’s work to be done, but I would argue that I’d probably be in a worse state if I spent all my days either studying, in school, and sleeping. At least when I meet up with you guys I’m only just tired. I would be both tired and miserable if I didn’t. But I don’t disagree that I lack sleep. I should be sleeping now, as it is.
I’m pretty sure I’ve already told you why Steph says I’m /loyal/ to you. I told her about it before too, so idk why she’d ask. Loyal isn’t the best word. Respect is moreso how I feel. Maybe it’s weird? I don’t know. There’s some people I don’t have that much respect for, but for myself, I don’t have that many people I’d consider role models. Now that I think about it, I have very few people that I’d consider role models. I agree with a lot of ideals/thoughts you usually bring up.
Maybe I’ll write another letter sometime. It’s actually quite refreshing.
