LOVE LETTER for 40
--
Packing the night before departing for Candili was such a strange experience. What had I gotten myself into? What did that endless PDF even mean? What I would be doing for the next 6 days in the middle of a Greek island was unclear. Surely, if all else failed, I could just respond to emails and catch up on work…
There were no clear expectations. Perhaps some curiosity. Mostly, there was unease. Unease at the thought of this sort-of-introverted only child with a poor ability to deal with complex, non work-related social situations finding herself in a group of 40+ people, sharing a room, sharing stories and interacting constantly.
Actually, scratch that: it wasn’t unease. It was bloody dread and fear…
Yet, instead of a struggle, the week we have just spent together in Euboea was a strong, dare I say, transformative experience. It felt like a personal journey, as much as a shared, communal one. Both mingled, interweaving and influencing each other.
Before diving into it all, let me say thank you for forming this bubble in which such strong bonds developed and for giving me the chance to do some much needed reflection and growing up. After several years of struggling with anxiety and a whole bunch of other not-so-happy things, after about two years of fighting to find myself and my own balance, I crash-landed into the most unexpected week.
“You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need”
- Rolling Stones (Sorry…I meant Panos)
It was the right step on a personal level that has propelled me forward. It was also an incredible moment of bonding and the sense of building something bigger, something to share.
Et in Arcadia Ego
For someone that has spent so much of my life “doing” and having a list of achievements, degrees and projects to parade around, the end of Day 1 left me feeling a little inadequate, but for very different reasons. All of you were clearly talented, experts in your field and/or damned passionate about your work — but there was more to it. There was a sense of consciousness and self-worth I couldn’t quite pinpoint. In 24 hours, you wonderful, adventurous, inspiring people made me realise this: I have spent most of my adult life trying to define myself by what I do, before even asking myself who I want to be, what my values are and what remains when you take away the projects.
Why have I not been spending more time traveling for the experience, exploring various world views, researching self-organisation, reading books, meditating, being kind & self-aware?
If that had been the only take-away from the whole trip, you would still have been extremely impactful on my life. Yet, it was only the beginning.
Over the next few days, Candili became a sort of haven. I started meditating, doing breathing exercises, taking time to think. Surrounded by peers that could create a safe, accepting and productive environment, I felt confident to face up to my patterns, ask for forgiveness and act in a way that felt more genuine. Not guided by fear or awkwardness or doubt. It was slow and progressive but I have never felt so well in my own skin.
You helped me be a person before being a project or role. You helped me feel a lot less angry at myself and the world.
Why would any of this matter? Because, having found a place and the people that motivated me to be better, kinder, loving and genuine, I certainly was not going to walk away from the chance of us becoming a community and living up to the promise of such brilliant energy.
Forming — Storming — Norming
This sense of community did not come without some pretty impressive effort from all. Honestly, by Day 2, I thought the whole thing was doomed. Projects were at very early stages, with no clear direction. The idea of the IO was barely mentioned and not very clear either. Bonding as a group had only been quickly touched upon. I had resolved that I would just read my books, get through emails and maybe ask for some meditation and yoga coaching. Since the experiment of…what exactly were we doing?… had not panned out, the least I could get out of this was rest and some personal growth.
However, somehow, that felt like a bit of a shame…so many wonderful people, such crazy energy…Couldn’t we do better? Didn’t we have the capacity, didn’t we owe it to ourself to step up and open up to this opportunity?
What do I mean by opportunity? The world is shifting, we are freelancing and becoming entrepreneurs more than ever. The search for a new form of “organisation”, for new ways of collaboration is on. None of us is looking for the ideal company but we all want to work with people that share the same values, the same focus on purpose and ethics, people who can also understand us on a level that goes beyond the superficial friendly coffee. And here we were, 40 of these people thrust in one place, with a clear bond developing. Yet we were all flopping around, trying to connect, trying to understand which way was up.
In this moment of confusion, I found myself instinctively using the most trust-worthy and effective method of brainstorming: sipping Greek coffee in blistering heat with Ilana and David. Somewhere in between sharing stories, getting caffeine in our systems and channeling the thoughts we had gathered from others…something shifted in our energy. This week, this group was worth fighting for. It wasn’t about agendas, fancy words or imperfect daily schedules. It was about us, about what had brought us here, about the things we were all seeking for ourselves on an personal and professional level. Perhaps it was the double Greek coffee, but on my way back to Candili, I was buzzing.
The next two days were huge turn arounds: from Anton’s candid apology to the increasing amount of bonding opportunities, the sharing and moments of connection. Suddenly, everyone felt more energised. Suddenly, it wasn’t about figuring out what this whole thing was about, but about defining it ourselves. The main outcome crystallised: how do we bond and define the values and ties that will keep us together?
Did we magically do everything right? No. There were moments of tension and regression where the same worries came up and where I found myself sorely tempted to “step in and fix this”. Thankfully, my mothering and “Ioanna will fix this” habits were quickly discarded because of one very simple reason: trust in us, in our own resilience and ability to turn things around.
In the last two days, we pushed ourselves: Kyle’s workshop resulted in so much insight that we then took and tried to make sense of in the identity/branding exercise led by Steffen. Meanwhile, Chloe ran sessions on collaboration, Dan and Luke started building potential communication tools around our unique collaborative, remote nature. It wasn’t just an intellectual exercise. We had two days to sense, identify and put words on the values, feelings and qualities we were sensing were forming and bonding us together. The outcomes of these workshops were staggeringly in line with each other.
As Steffen, Dan, Ilana and Nastia presented, my heart lifted as our form finally crystallised:
Connected and supportive yet free, the seriousness of professional expertise lifted by a playful nature, all this tempered by humility and consciousness, working together towards a common purpose of making the world brighter through our work. Looking around the room, I couldn’t think of a better way to describe all the wonderful people surrounding me and to thank my lucky stars for bringing me here.
Back to reality, Oh! there goes gravity!
How did we even end up here? Serendipity, chance, curiosity…it feels like more than that. We have each been on our own transformation path and journey and converged on this place and moment. As Ioannis put it “I had been waiting…What took you so long?”.
A different group might have yielded a different outcome. Not better, not worse, just…different. We are lucky to have found each other. Now is the time to think about what comes next.
On a personal level, it will be my challenge to incorporate what I have learned into my daily life, to not lose that sense of consciousness you have gifted me with. (Did I mention I have kept to the vegan diet and the meditation? What have you done to me…)
I feel a sense of trepidation and excitement.
First of all, we have only scratched each other’s surface. This week gave us limited time to meet each other. I can’t wait to further explore the stories, feelings, experiences and thoughts that each of you hold.
Secondly, after we have taken stock of our time together and our learnings, we will be called upon to shape the structures and tools of the IO in a way that reflects these values and characteristics we have identified and agreed on. Our real test in resilience will be in our next transition from informal structure to a unique and innovative form of organisation. Personally, I am also very interested in how we will share our story and onboard new people. (Just in case: Hello there, friend who didn’t attend. You’ve made it this far into the text without thinking we are nuts…this is probably a good sign).
We have promised to become a catalyst for our work and projects while also keeping the integrity of the movement. It’s not an easy goal we have set for ourselves. Sure, at worst, we will end up as a loose group of friends dotted around the world. But after such a fantastic week, wouldn’t that be such a shame? We could be creating something so unique: a new way of working, collaborating, making decisions, connecting to our peers, sharing our purpose and passion and multiplying our impact.
It makes me feel unlimited, hopeful and a little…scared.
Hear that? My heart is pounding.
Yours too? Good.
Let’s start.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Special Thank Yous & mentions
To Tom and his incredible, life-altering “Monkey & Goat” story. Our lives are forever changed.
To my wonderful roommate, Kyle.
Can we talk about what a great place Candili is for a moment? Thank you Philip.
Don’t forget: Please, don’t confuse the German!
To Mozi
To Anton: I don’t know how you did it, but you brought together a pretty special group and gave us a chance to do something great. Thank you.
To Laura: that session was unbelievable and you can count on me for any of your future endeavours!
For that the amazing door sculpture — thank you to those who helped build it, especially the banker. Thank you to all for participating in the fire ritual. May the burden you threw into the fire dissolve and the hopes you set alight fuel your next steps.
Thank you for that fantastic last discussion at the airport on discrimination and for the thoughtfulness and mutual respect that we found in ourselves at that moment.
PS: Purposeful pool parties. Did anyone write down how this could be our Board meeting format?
