Destruction and Danger
Living in a state of confusion where you feel suffocated by the world revolving around you.
Most times, it’s only you and your shadow. When those voices of doubt and confusion start screaming back at you; all you want to do is hide.
To stay in the darkness is easy and comfortable. To come out into the light takes courage and strength even when you feel the weight of the world beating you down.
Often times throughout my journey I have wondered where am I heading towards? What is the goal I’m shooting for? And to be honest I draw up blanks to those questions more times than not.
This is just a period in my life that will soon come to pass and though I know it will all be great going forward I can’t help but to feel down as if I am an Island at times.
Men and women weren’t put here to be isolated. I have a ton to be grateful for.
All I seem to think about lately is how the world is passing by us minute by minute, day by day, and year by year. Time is constantly on my mind and how I am not putting mine to proper use. I catch myself digging up past memories to gravitate towards for something to feel good about.
I am not sick. I am not mentally ill. I am not depressed. I am sharing my truth because we all gave trying times where there is an underlying tension and lesson to be had.
These ruts that we find ourselves in… we need to talk to others about them because that is our only hope of keeping any sanity.
What they don’t tell you as a youth is how hard it’s going to be going out into the world and literally fighting to get to where you want to be.
While I feed my mind,body, and soul I can’t help but to reflect in these destructive moments. As I lay on my floor with my two pillows and blanket, I write this message at 2:30 am MST with hope for my future. That I will prevail. That I will win. That I will make an impact on humanity.
One thing is for sure… this darkness. This lit of loneliness has to end. It’s all I feel if I feel anything at all.