We are all famous to a few people — Having cancer on social media
April 1st is not a day to post bad news about a cancer diagnosis.
Kathy Zaloga, my wife, was diagnosed with breast cancer in March and one of the first discussions we had was when and how to tell family and friends.
April Fools Day was to be avoided, with an extra day in either direction on the calendar to insure there would be no confusion.
I’m all over social media, daily, seven days a week and that’s been the case for years. My wife, not so much.
There’s a lot to deal with, think about and learn when the other C-word becomes a part of your life. Regarding posting on social media about cancer, my advice is to feel free to ignore advice, including the words you’re reading right now.
Do it your way.
KZ and I decided to tell friends and family what was going on with one request made to each person we told, please don’t post anywhere on the internet about it.
Phone calls and Facetiming with people you know, letting them know what’s happening and what’s unknown, is going to take a lot of time. Keep in mind you’re not going to be able to tell everyone in a day or two. A lot of emotional conversations can be exhausting. Give yourself some time to make them.
When telling one relative, ask if they can contact other relatives to help save you time, emotional time and actual time. Same with mutual friends. Ask for help getting the word out and remember to make sure everyone knows not to post anywhere.
We kept the news off all social media platforms for six weeks and change. That was not easy but I do think it helped make the process easier.
I decided to tell a few folks I know on social media privately making the same request, don’t mention it anywhere. My co-hosts on The Classic Movie Blabulation were among those I told because I wanted Colleen, Tachi and Matthew to know I might not be at my best doing a weekly two-hour live show.
My post frequency dropped and the daily “coffee cheers” video I’ve posted for a very long time stopped. I wasn’t up for it.
Hanging out on SnapChat became a place to escape reality and comedy is some damn good armor, which I wore in the form of silly hats and filters. Mike, my cat, got on camera more often. I also posted snaps that were just words on the screen as a way to give my voice and face a break from “acting.”
On the day of the surgery, I still hadn’t posted anywhere on social media. I felt the time and energy it was going to take to keep everyone updated about what was happening, as it was happening, was something I didn’t want to deal with.
KZ set up texting chains so the information could be shared to friends and family easily and quickly, which helped a lot.
After KZ was home from the hospital and we had completed the list of bad news cold calls, it was time to post on social media.
Looking at Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Anchor and Medium as where I would post about the news, I decided to start with one platform, Snapchat.
I just posted text, without my face or voice anywhere on the snaps. That was by choice because I’m not that good of an actor and didn’t want to have to hold it together, ten seconds at a time. I wrote out what I was going to post on a Note on my phone and then just cut and pasted each statement.
People are going to want to help and, to be honest, KZ and me were going to need a little help. I didn’t want to start a GoFundMe campaign and I didn’t want anyone starting one for us.
I know crowd funding well and I know campaigns take a lot of time, both in the planning and in fulfilling. I set up WeAreAllFamousToAFewPeople.com to create a way for people to help that would not take time away from me making nutritious smoothies for KZ.
A few things I kept in mind when writing a post about KZ’s diagnosis:
- When describing both the diagnosis and the treatment, I kept things general.
- Because we waited until after the surgery, I could provide some good news along with the bad.
- I requested that people do not post information about treatments they recommend.
The comments on Facebook came fast and responding to them all took a lot of time. I’m still catching up on emails, tweets, DMs and Snaps. That’s the other thing to think about when posting on social media, it’s going to take time to respond. Give yourself the time, you’ve got a lot to deal with and can only deal with one thing at a time.
Social media is a neighborhood to me. The help, support, kind words, prayers, positive vibes, nutribullet recipes and sharing of KZ’s campaign genuinely positively impacted both of us.
It was like neighbors were knocking on our door offering kind words and in some cases, actual food from Blue Apron!
We were not only grateful but seeing so many people offering help made us feel like the world is a lot kinder than we knew.
It’s a really nice neighborhood I live in on social media and the neighbors could not be better! Thank YOU!
Want to help KZ in her battle with cancer?
Please share WeAreAllFamousToAFewPeople.com
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Joe Wilson is a Los Angeles-based storyteller who writes about himself in the third person at the bottom of Medium posts. His graphic novel series is available here. It has swearing.
You can follow him on SnapChat here http://snapchat.com/add/joewilsontv but only if you like cat snaps.
