Why Can’t I Catch a Break

I have never been much of a writer…I have always been a thinker. Never been the one to write anything down on paper or in a blog because, who cares…right?

Honestly the more I think about sharing my personal thoughts the more I think that they MAY actually be beneficial to others in some way, shape, or form. So…why not give this a try.

Disclaimer: This post will most likely NOT sound like a Nicholas Sparks Novel.

If this past season of my life could be summed up in a phrase, it would be, “Why can’t I catch a break?”

365 days ago, on Friday the 15th, marks one full year of living in the Big Easy. I moved here with promises of opportunity of growth in my career. Moved here with the mindset of starting fresh, making new friends, and having a whole new city to explore…well, I was not completely wrong . When I moved here, I was promised that by the beginning of this year, I would be put in management with my previous job. Naturally, as any other human would do (I hope), I kept working hard and did what I knew needed to be done to get me where I needed to be. Beginning of the year roles around and what happens? They hire someone else.

“Why Can’t I Catch a Break?”

Dec 12th, 2016 — Met a gentlemen who, momentarily, changed my world. His name was Andrew. He was my first ever boyfriend…my first ever “love”. A few — short months later he decides to break up with me. Only to find out that he wanted to pursue a relationship with one of my dear friends.

“Why Can’t I catch a Break?”

Month after month of what seemed like endless crying finally came to an end. So I decided to get back out there and try again. Ended up meeting a guy named Jay. He was close to 10 years older than me. We had a few dates that were absolutely fantastic. Then one day I got a text from Jay saying that he needed to focus on his career, himself , and did not want to date anyone. A month later and he is dating someone.

“Why Can’t I Catch a Break?”

Again, a few months down the road, I met another guy. Honestly, I knew that he was way too good to be true. The way he made me feel was like nothing I have felt before. It was almost like the an 8.2 earthquake was shifiting around my insides. Every time. I would think of him, my face would just light up. Come to find out, he was still hung up on his last boy toy. We both agreed that it was not fair for me to be compared to this other guy. So we called it off.

“Why Can’t I catch a Break?”

In between all the mayhem of boy drama and work, I lost 4 close friends and 1 family member to death.

“Why Can’t I Catch a Break?”

Often late at night, with my head down on my mound of pillows, my mind just rushes with anxiety. “What did I do wrong?”, “How could I have changed this?”, “What is it about me that people don’t seem to like?”, “When can I catch a break?”. If there is anything that I have learned in this past 365 days, is that the only thing that is holding me back…is me. Very cliché, I know, but those words hold true. Recently I had a conversation with a friend who told me, “At the end of the day, YOU are the only that matters”. So again I asked myself, “Why Can’t I catch a break?”

I firmly believe that the reason why I keep telling myself that particular phrase is because I ALLOW myself to feel that way. Something my mom always told me was, “What you allow is what will continue”. If I/you keep wallowing in all these ‘mishaps’ and ‘Speed bumps’ then there is no room for you/me to progress forward. Once again, Cliché I know, but the more and more I think about it the more it stands valid. Yeah, shitty things happen…that is just how life works. Looking back at these “Set backs” I now look at them as situations that can and HAVE made me a stronger person. I will not let anxiety defeat not define me, I will not let some stupid boys let me rethink my self worth, and I will not let empty promises hold me back from my true potential. All of this is easier said than done, I get it, but you will never know how much these words can change your life if you don’t at least try.

I really hope this, any of this, made sense. It felt kinda good to get this out of my head and onto some word form.

Until Next Time,

Joe Eli