SNAKE EYES: G.I. JOE ORIGINS — Movie Review
By John Argote-Rodriguez
“Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins” was released on July 23, 2021 from “R.I.P.D.” director, Robert Schwentke and stars Henry Golding in the title role along with Andrew Koji, Úrsula Corberó, Samara Weaving, Iko Uwais, and Peter Mensah with Eri Ishida. Following two failed attempts at launching a G.I. Joe film series Paramount decided to cancel the third planned film in favor of a rebooted Snake Eyes solo origins film set to launch a cinematic universe because God knows we can’t live without shared universes.
“Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins” tells the story of Snake Eyes looking for his father’s murderer to enact his revenge, but after saving the life of Thomas Arashikage he is set in the path that will lead him to becoming iconic G.I. Joe member: Snake Eyes.
Aw the excitement for this film was there, a ninja movie with Henry Golding as the lead? Bruh come on sign me up… then the reviews came out and yikes they weren’t good so I opted to watch “In the Heights” for my eighth time on July 23 then pulled a double feature the following day with “Snake Eyes” and “Space Jam: A New Legacy”.
Well everyone I’m here to report that “Snake Eyes” isn’t horrible! It’s not a piece of shit movie in my opinion, but make no mistake “Snake Eyes” is a bad movie down to its generic ass story and a asshole “hero” with truly atrocious ass annoying shaky-cam. Seriously —
WHO IN THE ACTUAL MOTHERFUCKING FUCK THOUGHT SHAKY CAM WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA? FUCKING WHO?!
Guys this movie about ninjas sounded awesome and I’ll admit that I’m not familiar with the G.I. Joe brand because they’re a little before my time (1999 kid here!), but G.I. Joe is a known IP with loads of stories behind it, but goddamn was the choreography horribly butchered. Every time a fight scene began I had no idea what was going on with the shaky cam and editing it was apparently the filmmakers had no idea how to shoot action because someone thought that shaking the camera like in “Taken 3” was a terrific idea because in the end not only did the fight scenes look like ass, but I was seriously concerned for the health for the choreographer who I’m almost sure had epilepsy.
Action was a big driving force for going to watch this movie and that turned out to be shit, but with Henry Golding as the lead actor then surely we must have a great character right? If the script was good enough to entice him to want to take on the role then it’s going to be something special right?
Right?
*Sighs*
No he’s not, in fact Snake Eyes is more antagonistic then anything and I’m not exaggerating when I say that this character is a douchebag, backstabbing asshole, who is more villain then anything. Seriously, this character is given opportunities to develop, but no he’s a selfish person who doesn’t care about the people that saves his life or have him purpose and chooses to backstab then not once, or twice, but trice. He is absolutely reckless and has a lot of blood in his hands and he’s never held accountable for his actions.
His “redemption” is the most undeserved character arc in the movie. Snake Eyes betrays everyone more then Lisa betrays Johnny.
The movie is also subtitled G.I. Joe Origins yet the organization has been around for decades prior to the film’s start, but I get it it’s supposed to be a Snake Eyes origins, still the last time a movie had the title origins on it was for Wolverine so maybe it’s the cursed word.
The “villain” of the movie is supposed to be Andrew Koji as Tommy Arashikage/Storm Shadow, but again because of how much of a dick Snake Eyes is, Storm Shadow is more like the hero of the story who’s screwed over multiple times and never gets his due.
The film also has this MaxGuffin like device that our characters have to protect and it sometimes takes you out of the story because up until the reveal of this object “Snake Eyes” was a fairly grounded film with some sense of realism, but then you have this literal Infinity Stone with the powers of the sun and it kind of throws you off. Now I’m aware that G.I. Joe has some supernatural/superpowered elements to it, but “Snake Eyes” started off with some realism then you have an Infinity Stone thrown in the mix kinda throws you off.
All in all, “Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins” is a bad movie with some truly atrocious fight scenes, an awful protagonist who’s more of a villain then anytime, but it’s not all bad. The supporting characters are just there, but they aren’t bad like Snake Eyes, honestly I can’t recommend this movie because even if it sucked then at least you have the action to look forward to, but you can’t even tell what’s happening on the screen due to the shaky cam, however if you’re a Snake Eyes/G.I. Joe whose been looking forward to this film then by all means go watch it, you might like it after all film is subjective.
Grade: D+
Who thought adding a post-credit scene in the trailer was a good idea?
