Monday vs Friday

During the work week, I’m actually two people: Monday John and Friday John. And we HATE each other.

Friday John is hilarious, and he knows all the good places to go out for lunch. He won’t mind if you have a beer with lunch, either. In fact, he’ll probably have one, too! Friday John can’t seem to care too much about the projects on his desk.

Know why? He’ll tell you.

Eh, let Monday John deal with it. That guy’s a sucker.

Emails to answer? Leave it for Monday John.

Projects to start? Monday John can do it.

Meetings to schedule? Put it on Monday John’s calendar.

Friday John don’t do meetings, bro.

Why are you focused so much on work today, anyway? Did you check out that Buzzfeed article I sent? You got a minute? You have to see this video.

Coffee’s gone. Lunch is eaten. The sun is shining and it’s 4:45 pm. There’s really no point in sticking around here or starting anything new for the day. Let’s split. Don’t worry, Monday John will take care of all this stuff.

Hi, it’s me, Monday John.

Technically, I cover Monday through Thursday, but Friday John started calling me Monday John and then everyone called me that and I stopped trying to correct people.

Anyway, I’d have a pretty manageable day if weren’t for that asshole Friday John.

I’ve got my own work to do. I don’t need this stack of work Friday John left. Expense forms to complete, emails to send, projects to update. And even all this wouldn’t be so bad if weren’t for all the goddamn meetings Friday John put on my calendar for today.

Why didn’t Friday John do his goddamn job? Did he have to take such a long lunch? Would it have killed him to have this meeting on his day instead of leaving it for me? And seriously? Why didn’t he respond to this email? It’s bad enough I have to get buy his groceries and do his laundry. This relationship isn’t fair in the least.

At least he did his time sheet for us.

What? He didn’t? Oh how typical. Once again, it falls to me to bail that idiot out.

Like I said, we hate each other.

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John Essex is a professional medical editor and founder of Peak Medical Editing. He is the former Editor in Chief of two U.S.-based scientific journals — American Pharmaceutical Review and Pharmaceutical Outsourcing. When not editing medical manuscripts, he enjoys reading, writing, watching movies, and cheering for his toddler son’s potty training efforts (though not necessarily in that order, and sometimes they overlap). He lives in Indianapolis with his wife and son. You can find him on Twitter as@johnessex3.

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