JJ’s Words: Meeting New People, Introversion & Social Battery
Thoughts on how different people can easily affect your social battery
Hi, Hello, Welcome to JJ’s Words!
As a way to document my life, JJ’s Words is a regular piece that’s unplanned, unscripted, random thoughts throughout the week that lets me ramble in one sitting whenever I want to write. It’s sharing my experiences and my thoughts on anything and everything. In other words, it’s my public journal where hopefully, there’s something that you can relate to, find interesting, or get some value from.
So, there was this small gathering I was invited to this past weekend and, of course, that meant a lot of thoughts came from that — it’s these types of situations where I go down a rabbit hole in my thoughts.
I wanted to go to just meet some new people. Though, I initially was only planning to stay there for a bit and leave earlier. But as the evening went on, I honestly liked it enough to want to stay longer.
I’d definitely describe myself more as an introvert. I’m naturally more reserved, prefer smaller groups and my social battery gets drained quite quickly.
But, what I realized a couple of times now is that it all depends on the people. The way I am in social gatherings and how my social battery runs throughout the night depends entirely on the type of people there.
Before and throughout university, I assumed I didn’t like going out clubbing or any “big” gatherings and instead would prefer a chill group of people at a bar, beach, or something similar. Looking back at it now, I do feel like it was more with the people I was with than anything else. I noticed that I could be doing the exact same thing but depending on the people, that night out could be entirely different.
That’s how I kind of rate my experiences wherever I go — Did I feel more energized after or was I completely drained?
I feel like that’s the perfect indicator of trying to see if you enjoy something, whatever it may be, and it’s simply, did you feel better after the event than before? In a way, that’s how I describe my social battery.
There have been plenty of nights where I went out on a social at university and I went there just to go there. But most time than not, it was after having plenty of drinks and that whole experience felt shallow in a way. And honestly, a lot of those nights were just bad. Too many times, I went back home feeling worse than if I’d stayed at home.
But what’s weird is trying to figure out the people that you feel comfortable with and the ones that you don’t feel drained after. I don’t think it’s as easy as who you’ve known longer or people you share interests with.
Because I’ve been out with many different types — whether it was people that I knew for years and years, people I knew for less, people that I never met, people that literally have multiple common interests or people that are the complete opposite. Maybe there’s a common theme but it mostly feels like they are or they’re not.
And going back to the party, there were a lot more people that I didn’t know versus people that I do. That didn’t matter, though. Throughout the night, I didn’t feel like my social battery was going down because, in a lot of social situations, you easily feel that changing.
That made me think about whether me “being” more introverted, quiet, reserved, and having my energy drained by social situations is an actual thing or if it literally varies by the people I’m with. It kind of raises the question of which version is you in a way because it can easily be changed.
Like am I telling myself that I am more introverted and don’t like clubs or whatever or is it because I spent a lot of time with people I simply didn’t feel comfortable with? Because I can see how I’d describe myself and how I am if I go out with people that I feel good with. Then it’s the complete opposite.
Though thinking about it, I think that falls somewhere in the middle. It makes sense that the real you would be around people you feel comfortable with actually opening up. However, I think there are still some traits that do show up even in those situations. For me, I’d still say I’m more reserved and would still listen than be the one talking all the time.
At the same time, I also think to what extent should this even matter? Is it even worth thinking about any of this, putting on a label, and thinking about any of this? But to that, I think the only thing that should matter is going back to how I rate my experiences — did I feel energized in whatever way? Nothing else should matter and you should do whatever you want with whoever makes you feel like that.
What this does show is how important it is to meet people that you genuinely enjoy being around. Your experience can be entirely dependent on the company. If you’re not enjoying yourself wherever you are, a good chance it’s not something to do with you or whether you like the activity but it’s who you’re doing it with.
And that’s why I wanted to go in the first place. I enjoy meeting people, especially if they turn out to be ones where my battery doesn’t get drained. I know that’s probably a cliche, but the more I look at it, the more I realize that meeting all sorts of people and having all kinds of relationships with everyone is the best thing.
It just depends on finding people that do get you because looking back at my university experience, there really weren’t that many people that fit that.
Enjoy your day or hope you had a great day if you’re reading this late!