The Only New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Ever Need — 2019

It’s pretty simple, right? Exercise. Read more. Save money. Travel. These are the staple New Year’s resolutions. But if it’s not that complicated, why are there so many fat, dumb, poor people who don’t even have passports?

So, forget about all of the tired resolutions that you recycle unfulfilled year in and out. Here are some practical and timeless goals (from me) for 2019 that will fundamentally make your life better:

  1. Write down your goals. Less than 10% of people ever fulfill their resolutions, but when people make lists, they are signifcantly more likely to accomplish them. Go old school and get a physical notebook.
  2. Stay in on Friday nights. Go tech free, read a book, avoid the riff raff, and have a more productive weekend. It’ll also save thousands of dollars per year.
  3. Put your phone away at dinner. Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.
  4. Get a comprehensive health exam.
  5. Spend more time with people you disagree with ideologically. This is how we get smarter. It’s okay to like Bill Maher and Ben Shapiro, Dave Rubin and Sarah Silverman.
  6. Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain. This is a staple resolution, but in reality, 70% of people don’t read more than one book per year. Keep it simple; make a list of five books you want to read, starting with these, or this Wall Street memoir Barron’s called “a classic of the genre.
  7. Drink more matcha tea. It’s 10x stronger as an antioxidant than traditional green tea and really does cancel out the fifteen drinks you had last night.
  8. Freshen up the starting lineup of your wardrobe, starting with socks. Quit matching, pairing, or color coordinating. And stop wearing loud socks; they don’t give you personality or fashion sense. Buy premium quality, identical socks, and then refresh them every six months. And since the average man replaces his underwear every 7 years, you might as well cover the neglected top drawer while you’re at it.
  9. Take a vacation by yourself.
  10. Make your bedroom technology free. You’ll sleep better, live longer, and have a better relationship with your partner. While you’re at it, upgrade your pillows; 30% of an average pillow’s weight is dead skin cells and dust mites.
  11. Read these: There’s something in How To Be A Man and 50 Things Every Man Should Do Once for everyone, regardless of gender.
  12. Avoid extreme and unrealistic health pledges. Eat right, exercise sensibly, and drink mostly in moderation; it’s not rocket science.
  13. Laugh more. What does that mean? Socialize. Drink. Throw parties. Host game nights. Upgrade your friends if necessary.
  14. Don’t just rely on the gym. Remember that feeling of playing a competitive sport as a kid, when you’re on the field, and not thinking about anything else?
  15. Take more pictures with a camera. You’ll end up doing more interesting things in the process.
  16. Drink more. If you’re healthy, eating well, and exercising, then your body can handle a few more drinks every now and then. There is nothing wrong with the occasional black out.
  17. Befriend a World War II veteran. Spend time with him. Because there aren’t too many of them left.
  18. Make yourself more interesting. Take a course, class, or adopt a hobby. Don’t just read about Daisy and Jay, go out and be them. Most people wouldn’t even be the main characters in the movie of their own lives.
  19. Skip the dramatic savings scheme. Don’t go crazy with unrealistic goals about how much you’re going to save this year. Keep it simple; spend less than you make, and save up for the big-ticket items until you can afford them. But when you can, enjoy the fruits of your labor; money’s only something you need if you don’t die tomorrow.
  20. Help a pet get adopted, if for no other reason than to prove that you can.
  21. Never forget: You die twice, once when you stop breathing, and again when somebody mentions your name for the last time. Live accordingly.

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