How to Get Famous Real Quick

POLITICS

Be a woman or person of color who is really happy to go on television and say that white guys who want women to get back in the kitchen and who want brown people to stop complaining are really just nice guys trying to do good for America.

RELIGION

Align yourself publicly with a political party, preferably on video.
Speak extensively, in impeccable grammar, on how your faith supports that political party’s values.

REALITY

Be REALLY SEXY.
Appear in REALLY SEXY pictures or videos easily accessible to everyone.

HISTORY

Pick a historical event for which there is copious evidence but fraught political tension.
Write extensively, in impeccable grammar, on how the historical event in question never happened.

ART

Price your work based on Hamptons Real Estate norms, regardless of production value, talent, or market expectations.

WRITING

Be a young (younger than 25), well-off (no less than upper middle class), serious (always in pictures), white (maybe jewish, definitely not brown), dude (women need not apply) who has written a minimally-cogent book-length manuscript that can be typeset to look like it is at least 600 pages long when printed.

LOVE

Marry an already famous person.

SPORTS

Be actually really fucking good at your sport.