Santa’s making his list of who’s been naughty and who’s been nice this year. Will you find you or your partner on the naughty or the nice list? Let’s find out!
There are big differences between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one, but sometimes it’s hard to see the contrast so clearly. Well, Santa is here to help! He knows if you (or your partner) has been naughty, and he knows if you’ve been nice. We sent an elf to the North Pole to steal Santa’s list, and because we want everyone to understand the difference between love and control and get presents this year, we are going to share it with you!
THE NAUGHTY LIST
These behaviors will send your partner straight to Santa’s naughty list! Not only will they get coal for the holidays, but if you’re experiencing anything on this list, then your relationship is in trouble of being very unhealthy and you should seek help. Remember, if you are experiencing any of these things, it is NOT your fault. Your partner is the one on the naughty list, NOT you.
1. Your partner tries to hide or change you instead of accepting you for who you really are. Your partner makes you feel like you need to change to keep them satisfied.
2. Your partner nitpicks and criticizes you more than you’d like.
3. Your partner is always wondering or worrying about what you’re doing when you’re not together.
4. Your partner is the one calling all the shots and you feel like you need to follow along to keep the peace.
5. Your partner wants all of your time, but you want a little more time to yourself. You don’t bother talking to them about it because you know they will overreact or, if you do bring it up, they lash out at you or make you feel guilty for wanting some time apart.
6. Your partner makes you feel responsible for their happiness or success.
7. Your partner makes you wonder if you’re the problem in the relationship and they blame you for everything.
8. Your partner doesn’t get along with your friends and family.
9. Your partner tries to control what you do, who you spend time with, and who you talk to. They’ll tell you an outfit doesn’t look good so you change, ask you not to talk to someone they perceive as a “threat,” or tell you what parties you can go to.
10. Your partner is belligerent and out of control when they drink.
If you find yourself thinking, “that’s my relationship” after reading this naughty list, then we encourage you to check out some of our real time resources and seek help here: www.joinonelove.org/real_time_resources.
THE NICE LIST
These behaviors will keep your names on Santa’s nice list and neither you nor your partner need to worry about getting coal this year. Keep up the good work!
1. You accept and love your partner for who they are, including their quirky qualities!
2. You don’t make jokes at your partner’s expense and you can have constructive conversations if something is bothering you in the relationship.
3. You trust your partner and don’t get suspicious of what they’re doing when you’re not around.
4. You and your partner make relationship decisions together with neither person feeling like they have no say.
5. Your relationship doesn’t feel like an emotional roller coaster. You keep your cool when you argue, drink, or get upset.
6. You and your partner are both happy with the amount of time you spend together and the amount of time you spent apart. You have your own life outside of your relationship and can balance a love life and a personal life.
7. If there’s a problem in the relationship, you and your partner can have a constructive conversation about it without fear of retaliation.
8. Your friends and family like your partner and your partner encourages you to maintain healthy relationships with these very important people in your life.
9. Your partner respects your decisions. They don’t tell you or make subtle hints about what you can do, what to eat or wear, and who you should talk to or be friends with.
10. You know your relationship is making you a better, happier person. You have no doubts about whether or not it’s right for you.